Scars of an Addict

I'll never forget it back when I was a kid
Thinkin' life would never be like this
Didn't think I would be in a hotel room with
All the fuckin' highest

And we gettin' way higher
Tryin' not to let these feelings expire
While we really tryin' to hide
All the things that we keep inside

You never picked it up for nothin
You were tryin' to get rid of some mental infliction
Never meant to turn it into somethin
Never meant to make it an addiction

But yeah, now here you are
Wonderin' how you got here now
How the fuck did you end up in this room
Full of addicts that you're in right now

That back in the day when you had those addictions
Right in your face
And you tried to tell your friends
That you don't really need these drugs

But without them, then you feel out of place
So you play those words right back in your head
Try to retrace why you said what you said
Tellin' your homies that you don't really need help

Even though you be reachin' for it
Sittin' in that hotel room with a bubble in your hand
You go ahead and give it a twist
Twirl it around in your fingers

Let that spark hit the bubble
Then melt that shit
Twirl it around in your thumbs
Inhale that to your lungs

And tell your friends that you don't need help
Will you apologize to your mom
You say sorry, but it doesn't affect shit
Cause you don't ever change those actions

Tellin' your friends you can quit anytime that you want
Tellin' them you are not an addict
But that shit right there is denial
Even though you wanna call it spirit

Your friends tell you that this is a bad choice
But you cut them off cause you never wanna hear it
Till the moment that you start breakin' it down
And realize that your real friends aren't around

Sittin' in a hotel room full of strangers
Wonderin' where your old friends are at right now
Well they all went and started careers
And started all of their families

Readin' them messages that were sent from your mom
And realizing that you took it all for granted
So there you are, you're sober
You went to rehab, big whoop

What next? What's your next step
Because what you choose to do next
Decides if you stay clean
Who are you gonna cut off

What are you gonna change
People, places, things
So now here you are again
Couple years sober up inside your head

Got a little girl and a wife you love
All it takes is one hit to get rid of that shit
It's really hard to Say no, when your brain is tellin' you yes
And it's really hard to say don't

When your brain's convinced that it's bliss
So you're sittin' there in your car, daughter's beside
Hyperventilating with the tears in your eyes
A couple years gone and you thought that the cravings would be gone

But to hear they are back in your mind
Tellin' you to go and pick up your phone
Go and pick up a supply
Hit up your dealer

Give him the money you need to go fill up your pipe and get high
That is the moment you take it
And then you get high and you hate it
It's been a couple years since you felt this way

Now you wanna get higher to replace it
How the fuck do you walk in that house
How do you look your daughter in the eyes
Tell her everything's gonna be fine

When you know truthfully it's not right
How would you feel if that baby was taken away
Taken away from your lies
Blame it on your friends

Blame it on your family
Blame it on the law
Blame it on the high
Blame it on everything you can but yourself

When yourself is the one who did it
Blame everything that you can but I'm only gonna tell you once
This is something that you committed
This is a really hard thing to explain when it comes to addiction

What people don't understand is this is a disease
And it does take over our minds
And once you have fallen for that drug of choice
The rest of your life is spent trying to stay away from it

It's not about getting clean
It's not about having an idea of getting clean
In the end of it all
It's about staying clean

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