I Woke To Find She Had Cut Off My Dick

I awoke to find she had cut off my dick

She had sliced it off at its base
Not the head
Not the body
But at the feet
So it was like a
Noxious weed
Unwanted
Uprooted

Her amputation of
my manhood
Was calculated mutiny
Like surgery planned for a newborn
Everyone is in on it
Except the patient

It all began when she opened the door
For me
She could manage as well as I,
She said,
So why couldn't she open the door
For me?
Which turned into
Picking me up in her car
As she drove us to a location
She had chosen

This turned into
My moving into
Her space
Her apartment was bigger
She said
And it was closer to work
To stores
To everything
And lower rent saved us money
And wasn't that what her father
And I had taught her was
Most important?
She said

In bed
She was always on top
And it was essential
She orgasmed first
Then I could follow

She seemed to always initiate sex
And slowly
Lightly
Calculatingly
Pushed my head
From her lips
From her neck
From her breasts
From her navel
Placing me between her thighs
Like an extension of
her groin
My tongue plugged into her
My hands and legs jutting out
Being animated by the movement of
Her hips
Fingers extended
Uncircumcised
Toes hanging limp

Before she came
I was the man
The dominant
The sexual
The alpha
The ambitious
One

After she came
I was the afterthought
The marginal
The subjugated
The forgotten
One

I took notice
When she told me to quit my job
She made enough to support
Both of us
She said
And I could do all of that writing
I had wanted
Finish all those
Cute stories
I had started that reminded her of
Snow White
Sleeping Beauty
The Littlest Mermaid
And all those other dependent women
Who live in
Men's fantasies
She said

So I followed
Her advice
I stayed home while
She worked
And I got lots of writing done
Until she suggested
I should do more
Of the cleaning around the house
Since I was home
She said
And couldn't I cook dinner
A few nights
She asked
As she batted
Her big browns at me
Because working
Eight hours a day
Really tired her out
And all she wanted
To do was to rest in an easy chair
Or watch
The nightly news?

So I vacuumed the house
Washed the dishes
Followed recipes
Cooked dinners
Scrubbed the toilet
Set the table
Swept the floors
Mopped the tile
Did the laundry
Dusted the knick knacks
And managed the house
While she managed
The income

But then
After I had done all that
She would come home
And tell me what I had done wrong
The dishes were still caked with food
She said
There were no vacuum tracks to be seen
She said
You didn't dust the TV
The plants need watering
Did you wash the sheets?
What's for dinner?
I don't like that kind of food
You shrunk my favorite blouse
We're out of toilet paper
And you didn't change the roll?
She said

And so
She did it all
Again
But better
She said

After
I'd turn on Barry White
Light some candles
And start kissing her
From behind
Not tonight
She said
I'm too tired
And she was always tired
So as she worked
Paid the bills
Cleaned the house
Initiated the sex
And cooked the food
I lived in
Her space
Ate
Her food
Slept in
Her bed
And waited inside
Her home
Every night for
Her return

Sometimes she would be late
A long meeting
She said
I couldn't escape

Sometimes she wouldn't come
Home at all
A business trip
She said
Or some girlfriends wanted me

I waited less on the couch
Watching TV
And more in bed
Dreaming of Bible stories
My Father had taught me
Eve's transgression and
Adam's following her;
Ruth's dead husband and
Her suiter who slept at her feet;
Esther's secret and
The many men who owed her
Their lives

I'd dream that each of these
Biblical women
Were puppeteers
Holding
Animating
Controlling
Body movements
And facial expressions of
The men
Tilting a string here
Pulling a wire there
Like female gods
At play...
Then one by one
Each woman
Used scissors to snip the strings
Supporting their
Men
The metal on metal
Serration sound
Cut like the breath of life
And I'd toss and turn
In my sleep
Trying to escape the sound
And the scissors
And the women
And the men's fates

I'd sometimes wake up
And find her sleeping next to me
With a faint smile
On her lips
That I burned
To touch
To kiss
But didn't
For I was trained
To let
her sleep
I need my rest
She said
So don't molest me
When I'm trying to sleep
So I didn't
I just let my finger linger
A little longer
Than normal
And force myself to sleep
Without dreaming

But that last day
I awoke
I noticed a difference
The light coming through the windows
Was a burning
Sunrise
The red numbers on her alarm clock
Flashed like semaphores
Even her red sheets and comforter
Felt heavier
As if soaked in anger

She was gone

An early meeting
She said last night
And went to sleep
Without touching me
Or saying goodbye

She had left a note on
Her pillow though:
I'm not coming home tonight or for the rest of the week
A girlfriend and I are going out of town
When I get back, I hope you have moved out

She said

No names
Just words
A note signifying
Goodbye
Good luck
And good riddance

As I read
Her note
Realizing my surroundings were
Her surroundings
I cried alone
Like a widow
For I had awaken to find
She had cut off
My dick
And I didn't know
How I was going to get it back