i'm going to die

He said he wanted to
Paint the sky pink for me
He said he wanted
To hold me when I fell asleep
Catch all of my teardrops
And put them in a bottle
Your emotions he cried
Were the treasures of my survival
I wanted to die
I couldn't believe this hole could
Ever be filled
Oh what a lie
In the decay of my mind
I stopped seeing that
You are the reason to keep living
But now I've gotta pay
The cost of my decision
I'm going to die
Wishing I was alive
It was too much to breathe
On my own
I couldn't drown out the pain
Of everything every simple thing
Felt like a weight on my existence
You felt so far
Like I couldn't get to you
And I didn't want to
Because I didn't deserve you
But I was foolish to take for granted
That I got to meet you in this life
You with your dark circles
Around your eyes and your shivering
Sweater cries, look more beautiful
To me than you ever have
This whole time
All I could think of was
Ending it but I didnt think over
That I'd be ending us
I wanted to die
To escape into the peace
Of no longer being
But now you're not mine
It's like I imagined you'd
Come with me but don't you
Ever do that you need
To stay do what I couldn't
Promise me you'll go til the end
Just like I want to cause
I'm going to die wishing I was alive
I'm so scared why did I think
That death would be more
Comforting when it means
Leaving you
I wanted there to be nothing
But now I hope there is a heaven
So I can still see you somehow
Ending the book of my life
Means never reading yours
He said I'll be the one painting
The sky pink
You won't be able to feel me
But I'll be holding you
In your sleep
And catching your tears
I wanted to die
Please go on and fill the holes
I've dug by
Leaving you behind
Never ever think you
Could've done more
So go on and remember me
With your pretty smile
And don't let your grief
Hold a cloud over your every mile
I'm going to die
My death wish is for you to survive
And it's a dream I found and buried
Wanting my life