Through My Eyes

Through my eyes
It ain't worth it
I'd take the time
But don't deserve it
I'm not the version of myself that you wanted me to be
And through my eyes
It's so hard to see you
Talking to yourself because you know I won't answer
I never have
There's nothing I can do to fix it
But change the past
And we both know that's impossible
So son please don't make me go
Don't me go

Another day
Another fake smile
Really wanna feel good
But its been awhile
It kinda feels like i'm all alone
On a desert isle
But it's fine
I'll pretend like it's okay
My mother's getting ill so I gotta stay
But i'm starting to get tired man
Next year i'm turning 48
Theres a lot of things I wanna fix
But is it too late
My kids and I don't have relationships
Did they turn the page
Because i'm seeing what he posts
And it's killing my brain
Another song about pain
Like did I do this to him
Am I the reason that he's broken and he's scared to trust friends
Am I the reason he feels hopeless and afraid to commit
I'm sorry i'm the reason that you can't let her in
I'm sorry that I hurt you
Made it hard to forgive
And i'm sorry I deserted you when you was a kid
All I ever really want is to be proud you exist
But i'm ashamed to be this person
Wish I never had kids
I mean I really wasn't ready for like any of this
I had a kid at nineteen
I was barely in this
Life, it's kind of crazy
But it is what it is
I mean I really should have grown up
And just chose to be a mother
But it's something I can't ever change
Kids i'm sorry I ain't ever change
But I loved you so much
I wish I could explain
But there isn't an excuse for any of the pain
I was struggling with life
I made ya'll the blame
Because it's so much easier to point out names
Than to take accountability for anything
I could say a bunch of sorries and pretend to change
But the truth is I deserve the pain
I'm trying to forgive me
Can you do the same

Through my eyes
It ain't worth it
I'd give you time
You'd have to earn it
I'm not the version of myself
That you wanted me to be
And through my eyes
It's so hard to see you
Talking to yourself
Because you know I wont answer
I never have
Theres nothing I can do to fix it
But change the past
We both know that's impossible
So mom please don't make me go
Don't make me go

Another day
Another fake smile
Really wanna feel good
But its been awhile
It kinda feels like i'm all alone
On a desert isle
But it's fine
I'll pretend like it's okay
My mother's getting ill
I don't wanna stay
But I know I'm way to young man
I don't that I should have this pain
There's a lot of things I wanna fix
But is it too late
Because I moved on from that relationship
I had to turn the page
And now I'm posting all these songs
I write about my pain
Like you did this to me
But what's the reason for it
Cause you're the reason that i'm broken and I'm scared to trust friends
And you're the reason I feel hopeless and afraid to commit
You hurt me so bad I can't let no one in
The fact you never fixed it
Makes it hard to forgive
Tell me why did you desert me I was only a kid
All I ever really wanted is for you to be proud
But i'm ashamed to be this person
Who don't want you around
I wish you never had me
Tell me what's the point of life if you ain't ever happy
And i'm sorry that you had me being only a kid
But this isn't what it should be, so forget what it is
I really wish that you had grown up
And just chose to be a mother
Least you taught me that
Some people they don't ever change
So I know that this will never change
But if you love us so much
Then why can't you just explain mom
I won't let you have excuses your the reason for the pain
If you struggled all your life then why didn't you just change huh
You should of took accountability and stopped pointing blame
Cause other people can't help you until you do the same
So you can keep all of your sorries
They don't mean anything
And I wish I could forgive you
But I ain't got the strength