Skin

What I would do to be more confident
I pretend to be, but I'm the opposite
Struggled to love myself since I was little
The insults I got hit me like a missile

I know that I'm thin, you don't have to remind me
It's my metabolism, I assure you I eat
Why would you think that I have a disorder?
Assumptions that to me are sounds of torture

I wear loose fit clothes to hide my figure
Hoping to trick my mind to think that I'm bigger

But I never seem to fit in my own skin
In my own skin
Why do I even bother to exist?
If I never seem to get picked

I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me
I'm not comfortable in my own body
Nothing about me feels attractive
Convinced by the comments everyone said

I grew up with constant invalidation
For so many years and all the frustration
Caused me emotional dysregulation
Boiled my blood in aggravation

For someone to want me, is unlikely
I'll die alone when I'm ninety

Acne scars that break me apart
Then I take it out on myself
Ruin my mental health
Holding onto beliefs
False narratives about me
That I was manipulated to see

But I never seem to fit
In my own goddamn skin
Why do I even bother to exist?
If I never seem to get picked