kickback

I don't think there's anything you can say
Scared I have this effect on women
It always ends the same

And I don't want you to plead with me, I want to escape
A white picket fence after war in the trenches
There's things that I will never get to explain

You came to visit
That day felt like my funeral
I looked into the mirror and I knew that I was gone

You said you liked it- what you saw
A shell of a man making prayers to a god he doesn't know
But you couldn't tell the difference

Now I've been kind and I've been gentle
Memories scatter 'cross the mantle
Ripping pictures in two from the ends

And I've been here, you say you need me
Asking why you can't release me
Choking on the words I wish you said

But it's over, and I can't go back
And undo all the damage you've done

And I'm grieving, cleaning wounds I never earned
And I'm so scared of being fifty, married to a loaded gun

So I'll avoid the kickback, let you go and never look back
Make a future for myself without you there

Watch me do it

You say I find myself in the strangest positions
And you're paranoid, afraid to walk away

How can I tell you that you've let me go
Without even trying
Make it easier to stay

It's over, and I can't go back
And undo all the damage you've done

And I'm grieving, cleaning wounds I never earned
And I'm so scared of being fifty, married to a loaded gun

So I'll avoid the kickback, let you go and never look back
Make a future for myself all alone
Like it's easier

Watch me do it
Watch me do it
Watch me do it
Watch me do it

Begging you to fight with me
You know I hate the quiet
Don't you dare submit to me

Asking you to let me leave
Resenting you for wanting peace
The thing I'll never give to you

Watch me do it
Watch me do it
Watch me do it
I dare you, watch me do it

I'll leave you now, watch me do it
I'll stay right here, watch me do it