contradiction

I like a clean space, but my bed's never made
I don't want to waste time, but I sleep too late
Got a big girl job, got bills to pay
But I swear to God I was young yesterday

I've been thinking a lot, how everything moves in circles
Been doing a lot, I'm standing still
I've been drinking a lot, watching 2 A.M. commercials
All at once got what I need, but something's missing

I try to be a good person, but I still talk shit
It's all he said, she said, we said this
And I know I'll feel better if I learned how to forgive
It's easier to blame you for why I'm like this (why am I like this?)

I've been thinking a lot, how everything moves in circles
Been doing a lot, I'm standing still
I've been drinking a lot, watching 2 a.m. commercials
All at once got what I need, but something's missing
Everything defined loses definition
I know what I want, so why do I need permission

I gave my plants too much water and they died
Now I spend all of my time trying to bring them back to life
I drive around listening to songs that make me cry
And smile at the same time

I've been thinking a lot, how I'm running in circles
I've been doing a lot, I'm standing still
I've been drinking a lot, reading all of my old journals
All at once got what I need, but something's missing