memories of you

In most memories i have of you
And i only have a few
You're slurring all your words
Your breath smells of bitterness

In most memories i have of you
And i only have a few
You can't even walk up the stairs
You can't even remember our birthdays

And i waited for you by the door
Like the moon waits for the sun
Until one day i started hiding instead
Whenever i heard your car engine stop

I waited for you
Till enough was enough
Till i got old enough to understand
Everything you have done

I can't bring myself to forgive you
No matter how many times i've tried
And you say you want to fix it
But you're beating with a hammer on a broken glass

Please don't hold it against me
That i can't look at you and see someone who's supposed to be my sun
Instead the only thing i see in your eyes
Is you standing in a bloody crime scene
With a murder weapon in your hand
Four broken porcelain dolls at your feet

All you gave her was thunder and lightning
All you gave her were threats that turned out empty
But they still made her so scared
She didn't leave the house to go see her own family
Even tho she hasn't seen them in years

Alone with three young children at home
I wonder how she managed to stay sane
You can't fix now what broke so long ago
You can't pretend like you've done nothing wrong

I can't bring myself to forgive you
No matter how many times i've tried
And you say you want to fix it
But you're beating with a hammer on a broken glass

Please don't hold it against me
That i can't look at you and see someone who's supposed to be my sun
Instead the only thing i see in your eyes
Is you standing in a bloody crime scene
With a murder weapon in your hand
Four broken porcelain dolls at your feet

Now i look for you in everyone i fall for
Because i don't want to end up
With someone like you
I don't want to end up trapped like her

So i push everyone away
Because you made me so afraid to love
I push everyone away
Cause you made me afraid of life

I can't bring myself to forgive you

Four broken porcelain dolls at your feet
Four broken porcelain dolls at your fee