SURVIVORS GUILT

All I know is cold hugs
All I know is don't bother
Mom would never showed love
Dad would always hold bottles
All I got was shoulder shrugs
Thinking I was the whole problem
That's what happens when you grow up
I dunno what i've been missing most
Felling like I'm distance
Not feeling close
A kid I couldn't be a kid
Instead I grow up feeling like a ghost
Now I try to join life of bill
But I don't deserve the joy I feel
Some times I don't know how I feel
I heard them call it the survivors guilt

Now I feel I'm on my way
Find my out through the pain
Pain

Tip toe 'round progress
Can't decide if I'm great or a bomb threat
Don't know if I'm happy with me
Or mad
I don't know yet
It's hard to tell the differences
The air is smelling different
Wish I I could be the person that I used to
But how do you tell a kid that he isn't all that he was born with
And that's all he's used to
Used to sit on a couch full of laughter
Sun through the blinds
If the blindes don't matter
Couldn't block light
My light with the chatter
Starts getting louder
Glasses shatter
Now the only thing hitting is the upset feeling in my stomach
Telling me I wont be usefull
But to me it a normal thing
I dont cope with things as well as I used to

Survivors guilt, like I don't deserve how I feel
Every bit of pain in my life was made to survive
No matter how I build
It'll tear it down
Build myself up just to break me down
Try to carry all this strees in my heart every day
But I feel that it wears me out
Now I feel I'm on my way
Find my out through the pain
Pain