Actual Death

Was I so wrong?
When I took them
Don't greet me
See me, look down

I wake up with nausea
Go to sleep the same way
I wake up so fucking angry
You wouldn't think i'm so fucking gay

Real death isn't dictated by if you're a ghost or alive
It's when i wake up and don't feel your your fingers running over my spine
Actually passing is feeling so bleak. i'm paranoid
It all burns without you, i'm crying into a void

I'm screaming to no one, and I'm cracking my teeth
And I pray every day god will bring some relief
But god never answers, he doesn't hear prayers
Because our father's in heaven, all alone. and he feels despair

I spent a year yelling, and sobbed like a fucking wretch
I thought if i left it would make me more present
I just wanted pleasantries. wanted to experience life it's not living when You dread creeping feelings at night.

So when I die a fake death,
Darling, don't worry yourself
Everything hurts without you.
I've been alone in my hell