More Real Than Real

He wanted a lover
He wanted a buffer
He wanted a sucker
He wanted a mother
She wanted a dream
She wanted a queen
She wanted a magazine
She wanted destiny

He wanted to destroy a toy
He wanted to claim a soul
He wanted his word to hold sway
He wanted to own a hole
She wanted fire that never burned out
She wanted all she was missing with them
She wanted her life to kill doubt
She wanted freedom in femme

And I wanted
I wanted
I wanted
To be wanted
And I wanted
I wanted
I wanted
To be wanted
To be seen
To be real
To be redeemed

He lived free of shame and far from blame
He found meaning in his name and expected me to feel the same
She hungered for beauty and yearned for truth
She turned down the lights and wanted to soothe
He hurt me ground me twisted me burned me
She shamed me tested me tempted me
They didn't know me
I couldn't show me
I didn't know me

Because really I wanted no one and nothing and nowhere
I was a wolf in girl's clothing
A fox in the night
I was a lost child in the woods
Who couldn't put up a fight
I was the madwoman who said no
I was the shameless collector who let go
I went back on oaths and cursed all the names
I was the bitch who would not play games

And I wanted
I wanted
I wanted
To be wanted
To be seen
To be real
To be redeemed
And I wanted
I wanted
I wanted
To be wanted
To be real
For them to make me feel
Instead I was more real than real