Family Ties

The smell of pine
Nan's old piano
Bamboo patterned mattresses all on the floor
Bare feet, Jessie Street
Plums line the sidewalk
And carols and sleigh bells in 40 degrees

And I want to be five
At year's end when December comes 'round
And I try, to hear Santa at midnight
Our family ties are all straight as an arrow
And everyone seems to have time
Doesn't enter my mind
This could be our last Christmas

Remember when mum used to gift us new undies
So it looked like more presents were under the tree
And hear Dad in the kitchen
He's stirring the custard
Repeating one line from some song in the 60s

I'd take twenty-five
At year's end when December comes 'round
I try to wrap presents at midnight
And our family ties are a rod made of iron
And everyone seems to have time
Doesn't enter my mind
This could be our last Christmas

And I'm not pointing fingers
I swear I'm the worst
I get bogged down and busy
And I truly believe
If I just work harder
There'll be more time to see ya
But the harder I worked, the less it came true

Yeah, Mum's getting on
We're not far behind her
Sorry mum, you're still beautiful
But it's hitting real hard
When I'm hospitalised
And I've got siblings not talking
And here it come, the most wonderful time of the year

Now I'm thirty-nine
At year's end when December comes 'round
And I try, but it's harder to bear
When our family ties are all tattered and flailing
And nobody seems to mind, mind

I want to be fine
But every December
I see how much farther we've drifted from home, and
Our worlds blew apart, back in twenty-eleven
Then in twenty-nineteen was the start of the end

Yeah I want to be fine
Yeah I want to be fine
I want to be fine
It's getting harder with time, harder with time

Over there, where the sun sets
Is a tiny glass window
With a pine tree, a piano
My brothers and sisters
Our Rangi, our Nan, Mum, Dad and some cousins
We're all singing, believing the future looks bright

And one of those stories that I miss believing
Is families will be together
And I guess that part was not meant to be true