Untitled

At a certain point, I ran out of chances
I had to alert the voices in my head to never run out of answers
The light danced off the spliff that I held in my right hand
That he had mixed up with cancer
I took a drag and realized the right choice never mattered
The wrong turns made me happy
More adjacent to masochism than dissatisfaction with delayed gratification
I watch my mother call and don't answer
She can't hear my voice when I'm high
I know the way she would cry
I know the way we would fight
She knows I value my freedom, I know she hates it alike
I know the choices I'm making keep her awake in the night
I can't bear that type of burden, I discerned that awhile ago
I'm nothing if not a direct extension of her person
I'm nothing if not the reason she stopped penning her verses
I'm nothing if not the only thing she loves and she curses
The way that she hates herself and onto me it keeps turning
I pray that my father can unlock it, but if he's anything like me
He turns vile being direct and tosses all the keys
I lost a lot of sleep with all that they offered to me
The self-inflicted wounds all carried down through the gene pool
A bloodline full of mean fools that died clutching their chest
Here I am on the same road, wondering if i'm next
If I could break the cycle then I would try to
My great grandfather watched the empty Texas sky before they invented iTunes
I'm sure he saw more pressing shit than I do
I wonder, how would he handle life if he had lived in my shoes
I know he couldn't speak to most of these problems just like I do
The great generation that took their feelings and kept them silent
Downside is violence
Downside is problems
Family disagreements idealogic
If I held my throat more I'd be home more, but I cannot be silent
If she held more hope in me, I promise I'd have a whole lot more options
But I am what she said I was, and the more she said it, the more I lost

More or less, I divorced that cross
Your morals ignore my thoughts
That torment, it tore my heart
In this dorm, I implore that god
Whatever name he goes by
If he could show why everything exists to change
If I knew less about me, I would not doubt me
I would have less to say
More or less, I divorced that cross
Your morals ignore my thoughts
That torment, it tore my heart
In this dorm, I implore that god
Whatever name he goes by
If he could show why everything exists to change
I would have less to say