Day 1

This is for whoever wanna hold onto hope when it feels like it ain't none
This is for whoever so used to the pain in their brain so they stay numb
This is for whoever wanna change but they may not be able to say none
This is for everyone who knows what it's like to start over on day 1
This is for you.
This is for me.
This is for us.
Childhood Trauma

Day 1. This is sickening
Oh my gosh, man, I feel sick
Too many nights that I spent daydreaming 'bout a knife if that's the way that I would forget
I should forget. I should forget
Man, I wish I could forget this thing
It's sad to say I've seen too many day 2's take a hit cause I couldn't kick this thing. Can't skip a scene
I wish I had superpowers.
I wish I had a genie or something
What's the definition of a strong man or an overcomer cause I don't know the meaning of nothing
So, this is day 1
Another fresh start has begun
Again God's giving me a chance
But do you know how many times I was convinced that He didn't have me in His plans
I can't count
So, here we are. Day 1
As good as it gets, it ain't fun
In my mind, I don't wanna stay quiet but I'm too afraid of being judged to say something
So, what do I do? I scream internally 'til my head fills up with anger
Therapy? Me? You know goodness well certain things you don't tell to a stranger
How praying supposed to work
How my heart supposed to be
Why do I wish everyone the best luck
Wanna be angry at God so much but He's God
So, I'm like, Lord, forgive me
I messed up
I'm messed up. I'm messed up
And guess what. Guess what. I don't feel
All the people who be coming and going. All this time that be passing but me, I don't heal.
All the money that these habits have cost
I'm tripping. Ain't paid nothing off but a phone bill
The hundreds I could've stacked but lost
Taco Bell can wait a whole 'nother month. Fix your own meals
Whole time I still have these dreams
All the while I still have these goals
I wish I never knew a single thing there is to know about addiction
But it started 13 years old
Yeah, so
Speak up 'bout what
Say what out loud
I ain't never had nobody to fuss out
Silence is deadly. And I've been sitting here fading away slowly with a shut mouth
If anything negative happens, I know what it is. I blame karma
But I ain't fooling no one. I'm just another adult holding on to their childhood trauma
This is one of those touchy topics
That talking 'bout's frowned upon
But add a melody and a beat then the heat that you speak is bearable to the sound of song
Look at me
Look at how far I've made it
Who knew I'd be around this long
If y'all ain't understand so far, let me try another way and you can tell me how I'm wrong
This could've been my 13th reason
You could've did it all without me
No, no. This can't be my season
I don't wanna fall. But I'll leave
I set the pace but I'm wheezing
But I cannot sink so I breathe
Oh, life done gave me a beating
And I keep on thinking why me
Keep a box of tissue. I sneeze
On the rocks, I slip through. I bleed
I'm not a domestic abuser
But trying to hit's how I grieve
Wait, what's the issue; what I eat
Just let me get the sides please
I gotta turn off the computers
I shouldn't've sit through live feeds
Hey, hello gluttony. I'm greed
Let's enjoy lust high speed
Come keep me company. I'm sleep
Master, too much. Eyes weak
Well, let's have lunch. It's my treat
Just buckle up in my seat
You didn't wanna be stuck behind me
But you just pushed a button and tried me

This is for whoever wanna hold onto hope when it feels like it ain't none
This is for whoever so used to the pain in their brain so they stay numb
This is for whoever wanna change but they may not be able to say none
This is for everyone who knows what it's like to start over on day 1
This is for you
This is for me
This is for us
Childhood Trauma