Uncle Jack

I woke up on the floor of a booze bus in Hickory
With a splitting head, and not a clue in hell what had happened to me
So I called out to the guard
To ask what was going on
He just looked at me
Said you wouldn't believe
If I told you what you'd done

You were riding on a tractor
Cursing at a pastor
Who knows your mama by her name
You were southern belle chasing
Dirt road racing
Like you're running with the bulls in Spain

You were two shots in
With an ear to ear grin
When you took that walk of shame
Guess you forgot what daddy taught ya
Now I gone and caught ya
There's gonna be some hell to pay

No, Evan, Jim, and Mark won't do
Uncle Jack told me to

Well, it all started rushing back in a haze of memory
The choices made, the shots chased in infamy
So I called out to the guard
Said can we get these charges dropped
He just looked at me with a sideways smile
And said take a seat, you'll be here a while

'Cause you were riding on a tractor
Cursing at a pastor
Who knows your mama by her name
You were southern belle chasing
Dirt road racing
Like you're running with the bulls in Spain

You were five shots in
With an ear to ear grin
When you took that walk of shame
Guess you forgot what daddy taught ya
Now I gone and caught ya
There's gonna be some hell to pay

No, Evan, Jim, and Mark won't do
Uncle Jack told me to

You were riding on a tractor
Cursing at a pastor
Who knows your mama by her name
You were southern belle chasing
Dirt road racing
Like you're running with the bulls in Spain

You drank us out of whiskey
Got a little frisky
With the ladies at the end of the night
You were driving 95
In a souped up Chevy
From 1969

You were ten shots in
When you picked a fight with Tim
And he knocked you right back in line
Guess you forgot what daddy taught ya
Now I gone and caught ya
You're stuck here doing your time

I still have all the scars to prove
That Uncle Jack told me to

Oh, Uncle Jack told me to