How Bad Can I Be? (Beginning of Confusion)

I've got a gun in my hand
Ready to kill for you
Yes, I'm ready to put it to good use for you
All it took you was one second to make me break my beautiful streak
It's the beginning of confusion for me
What is the name of this condition that made me believe so heatedly
That I really was where I thought I was?
Or was I really there, but I forgot to break your upper hand?
I swore the future blazed with light
But it actually blazed with the chains of my own fire

I'm back, but ten times worse
I fear myself, what wrath may rise
Do you want to know a fun fact?
All it takes is one gun to start a war
There's no space in my mind for peaceful thoughts
There's only you and me and my Parisian nightmare
If I start a war to untangle the knots in my mind,
Would I still long for you in the middle of all that warfare?
My precious boy, please forgive me
But I can't let you win like this

And I don't do anything else with my godforsaken life
Than think about you, you
And to plot the grief of any woman who dares to touch you, you
And I sharpen my words to use like they're swords
And I wear all my clothes like they're shields
If war breeds loss, will I lose my disquietude?
My bandaged heart is still cracking for you
But you'll always see a porcelain doll out in the battlefields
So you never forget I'm the best you've ever seen
My precious boy, I'm so afraid of you, you
Of the power you have over me, me
And I'm so afraid of myself
Of my Parisian nightmare
And I keep asking to myself:
"How bad can I be?"
"How bad can I be?"
Another month without talking to you
Another milestone I didn't wanna hit
How bad can I be?
How bad can I be?
It's only you and me and my Parisian nightmare
It's only you and me and my Parisian nightmare
Мой парижский кошмар
Мой парижский кошмар
Мой парижский кошмар

And I used to tell you every detail about my life in real-time
But now I'm identifying five things I can see
Four things I can touch
Three things I can hear
Two things I can smell
One thing I can taste
Five things I can see
Four things I can touch
Three things I can hear
Two things I can smell
One thing I can taste
One thing I can taste