Level 429

Hello
It is 1:26am
And here's what I have to say about that

I'm drunk and high
On Sunday night
At home alone
On level 429 of some phone game
Dirty dishes in the kitchen
Lucky me, I wound up with the future I envisioned
I been watching sitcoms from the nineties
Sorta kinda, autoplaying while I spiral
I'm a mess but I'm fun about it
I'm a mess but so what about it
I'm trimming loose threads
Every which way
Caring way less
Bout the old game
Getting way more
In my own way
Keep the blinds closed
For a few days
Doing weird shit
In my little cave
Gained a little weight
Cause I eat when I'm stoned
And I'm stoned all the time
Weed isn't addictive so I'm probably fine

I'm a rockstar
I'm a loser
I make people sad
I'm so funny
I'm pathetic
I'm a passing fad

I don't know what I want from this
I don't know what my purpose is
I don't believe in purposes
I don't believe in permanence
I don't believe in much these days
I miss religion, I miss faith
I miss community and praise
I wish I had a poker face
I'm the cat curiosity killed
I'm unlikely to feel fulfilled
I'm a sinner if sin is real
If sin is real I'm fucked
But that's so unlikely
People are people and we do people shit
As a human I feel I'm able to speak to this
We tried our darndest to rationalize our feebleness
Now it's falling apart

I'm a rockstar
I'm a loser
I make people sad
I'm so funny
I'm pathetic
I'm a passing fad

I'm not sure
That nothing matters
What if something does?
I know more
And now I'm not
As happy as I was

I'm drunk and high
On Sunday night
At home alone
On level 429
Of some phone game