The Curse of Self Hatred

I wish I could sit with my thoughts for a night
Can I sleep inside your brain just for tonight?

Nobody ever listened to me til I screamed
Top of my lungs until my throat would bleed
Nobody ever changed a thing until I said I fucking hate you
And now I hate myself because I said I fucking hate you
I blame this complicated world for the ways I've become

And sometimes, I wish I could sit beside my thoughts
But every time I do, I wanna blow the thing that's thinking off

I wish I could sit with my thoughts for a night
Can I sleep inside your brain just for tonight?

I hate the way I'm drawn to darkness and feel better in pain
I hate the way I talk in my sleep and the things that I say
I hate the way I get inspired way too late in my day
Stay up too late then wake up late and be lazy, I'm ashamed
I hate the way I get so fucking angry that I get hot
Like I could break every knuckle in search of something that's not
I punch myself in the face and then hate myself for self harm
I hate the fact I wanna fuck every bitch who got an arm
I hated God as a kid
I hate myself for that too
I hated life for most my life
I think I'll pay for that too
I hate the fact I let social media ruin my health
I hate the fact that I
I hate myself

I wish I could sit with my thoughts for a night
Can I sleep inside your brain just for tonight?

I see ghosts everywhere that I look
My past won't let me off the hook
But that's not you
That's not you
You're more than the things that you break
You're more than the things that you hate
That's not you
That's not you

I see ghosts everywhere that I look
My past won't let me off the hook
But that's not you
That's not you
You're more than the things that you break
You're more than the things that you hate
That's not you
That's not you