I've Now Got Big Jugs! - Piano Version

When I want to go travelling on a holiday
And I need some money really quick
I sign-up at my local hospital
And volunteer to be a human guinea pig

I like to take part in the clinical trials
And do my bit for medical research
But if I'm honest, I do it for the money
And I pray to Zeus it doesn't hurt

I'm lying in my bed in the hospital
I'm a guinea pig testing new meds
I'm gonna get paid a handsome cheque
I hope I don't leave here with two heads

I'm lying in my bed in the hospital
I'm a guinea pig testing new drugs
I'm sure that nothing is gonna go wrong
Oh wait, hang on now! I've got big jugs

I don't think I'll ever volunteer
And give the Viagra trial a go
I don't want a hard-on for hours all day
I'd hope to get the placebo

I once did a trail to test fertility
It passed by without incidents
The fact that I now can't have kids
I'm sure it's just a coincidence

I'm lying in my bed in the hospital
I'm a guinea pig testing new meds
I'm gonna get paid a handsome cheque
Hey Doc, can you treat this rash before it spreads?

I'm lying in my bed in the hospital
I'm a guinea pig testing new drugs
I'm sure that nothing is gonna go wrong
Oh wait, hang on now! I've got green blood

Hey, I've got a hypothetical for you

There's a clinical trial with a trainee doctor
Where they amputate your little toe
For 15 grand, they will sew it back on
Would you do it for that much dough?

I'm lying in my bed in the hospital
I'm a guinea pig testing new meds
I'm gonna get paid a handsome cheque
I hope I don't leave here with two heads

I'm lying in my bed in the hospital
I'm a guinea pig testing new drugs
I'm sure that nothing is gonna go wrong
Oh wait, hang on now! I've got big jugs



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