kin

Bottled it up every time
You told me to swallow my pride
But you never let yours down
Instead you made sure that I drowned

We were much smaller than you
What more did you have to prove?
I catered to all of the lies
And every wound that had been disguised

With words
That lingered on and burned
Ebbing like waves
And a tide I can't escape
Oh it finds me when I'm at my worst
So I dive head first

But don't you think I tried my best
To be everything you wanted?
I carried all of the burdens
That comes with being your kid
I hate when everybody says
That parts of me look like you
I wonder if inside my eyes
She sees you too

I wish I stayed as the first
But as time went on she turned
And chose somebody else's side
Nobody noticed I was dying
And I was hanging by a thread
(I was losing)
Once a home and now a dead end
It's a shame that I didn't bleed
(You weren't looking)
Maybe then you finally would see

But I
Made sure to leave no trace
Cos I couldn't bear
To see my sister's face
But even with four different walls
Your shadows claim them all

But don't you think I tried my best
To be everything you wanted?
I carried all of the burdens
That comes with being your kid
I hate when everybody says
That parts of me look like you
I wonder if inside my eyes
She sees you too

But don't think you've won
I fought my hardest
Did all my healing just to harvest
My heart
Broken and damaged
I did it for her
That's how I manage

Now I'm miles away
Celebrating my birthday
God at 22
Still writing things about you

But I guess that's how it is
The cost of trying to outlive
Scars that you left engraved
Did you ever feel sorry
For all of my pain?

Cos I know that I tried my best
To be everything you wanted
I carried all of the burdens
That comes with being your kid
I hate when everybody says
That parts of me look like you
I wonder if inside my eyes
She saw you too
When I hurt her just like you did
God I really am my father's kin