St. Louis, Missouri (Flow) [Live from Bali]

Why does it feel so good
And it hurts so bad
Why do we chase the things that we could never grab?
Why does it feel so good, but it leaves me oh so sad
Why do I wish I was with you in the past?
We'll always have St. Louis
We'll always have St. Louis
We'll always have St. Louis
You're married now
And I'm happy for you
You're married now
And I'm happy for you
Look, I'm not happy, but I'm happy for you
I'm not happy, but I'm happy for you
Because you left my heart, but you stayed in my mind
I see you around everywhere in my mind
You left my heart, but you stayed in my mind
Maybe I should find Jesus
To clean up the pieces
Yea, maybe I should find Jesus
To clean up the pieces
Cus Im'a need help with all this
I keep thinking someone's gonna come in here and save me
Pick me off of the floor
Maybe it's me that I'm searching for
But God damn, my arms are getting sore
I don't think I can carry this pain of shame anymore
I need a motherfucking Savior
I need someone else to come here
And tell me that it's okay to feel this way
Cus it aint the therapist that I pay?
They just Yes man, me anyway
I need to find somewhere else that I can get that
I need to find somewhere else that I can be that
Maybe I was never wrong
Maybe I was in the wrong environment
Do I blame the plant for not growing or the soil for not having it?
I'm looking for richer soil
But what if that's me?
What if everything I want in somebody is right underneath?
What if everyone is just a mirror to me?
Oh, God, give me those eyes so I can see
Give me the eyes so I can see me in everybody
Give me the eyes so I can see you in everybody
I want to see you in every eye and every wink
And every smile and everything
I want to see you in every pain, every hello, every goodbye
I want to feel the joy of the Lord even when I cry
I want to know the joy of the Lord
Does not only reside in some religion
Behind some church doors
I want to know that I can find God on the yoga floor
I want to know that I can find God on the ocean shore
That you are everywhere
That you are everything and more
God, I want to feel you
I want to feel you
I hesitate even calling you God because of what we gave that name
But I know that Divine is something
That we cannot tame, that we cannot shame
Lord, the universe, source, Infinite Intelligence
Whatever you want to call it
It is everywhere
It is everywhere
It is everywhere
So how can I know that anywhere I go, I will never be alone?
Everywhere I place my feet, I am always at home
Everywhere I go, I will never be alone
Everywhere you go, you will never be alone
Everywhere you go, you will never be alone
Anywhere you place your feet, you are always at home
It's always your home
Walk in every room like this place is your home
If I can stop trying to control the unknown and just let go
Maybe I can truly live
Maybe I can truly live, but I gotta embrace death to truly live
There's no place for the identification system that I have made up
This ego only gets me stuck up
This ego only gets me stuck, love
I'm trying to feel love
I'm trying to let the walls down
I'm trying to feel a hug
I'm trying to truly feel love
But the walls that I built for protection, they're self-rejection
If I never let anyone in, that's the real type of selfish
I'm just playing with myself, blaming everybody else
Oh, I love to embellish in my pain
I love to blame
I love to blame
I love to blame
I love to treat this life as if it's a game that I have to win
But what if it's more of a dance?
What if there's nowhere to go?
What if you're in it right now?
What if there's nothing you have to be
Nothing you have to prove?
What if I think more with the voice of my parents
Than even the voice of myself?
How much are my parents still alive in everything that I think
And everything that I try and every person I try to be?
I want to take off the coats of all these characters
That I have been inventing
I want to allow myself to be seen
I want to allow myself to truly be seen
I want to take this fucking person that I built up
And I want to tear it to shreds
I want to see if I can allow myself to be loved
For nothing more than the innocence of just being
Human being
Human being, not human doing
I lose myself when I try to do
What do you do when I tell them like that's gonna prove something?
I want to lose myself
I want to lose myself
I want to lose myself so I can truly free myself
I want to feel alive before the day that I die
I want to feel what freedom actually tastes like
I'm so worried about what everyone else thinks
And I know we say we don't care what others think
But truly
Truly
I want all my fears to go out for lunch
I want them to take some time off
Take a week, a vacation, on me
Go on a cruise
Eat all you can eat
Just give me a couple fucking days to be free
Give me a couple days to feel the love that I seek
Because I know it's right behind the other side of what I fear
I know I can feel it, even though it feels bleak
I know it's there
And I can be so scared
I can be so scared
I can be so scared
But maybe that's the first step
Is acceptance
Maybe the first step is acceptance to say to God, I'm lost
I gotta tell my GPS I'm lost
Because that's the only way it's going to help me get back on track
If I keep telling it something different than where I'm really at
How do I expect it to get me to somewhere that I want to go?
I'm lost
And that's okay
And that's okay
And that's okay
And that's okay
God, it feels good
Thank you so much