Worthless

"Hey Mom - it's me
I'm just calling to-
Check in See how things are going
I guess uh
Just give me a call back um
I love you"

I'm sorry if it's taken me longer than expected to get back
In the habit of hooks and tracks
It's just that what I lack
Has been weighing on my shoulders more than any passion
That I have to ignite some raps
Living day to day but I'm dying on the mat
Chokeholded by my past
Somehow still attached to mistakes that I flagged
In my memory bank as spam messages finding that they still attack
Dormant Trojan horses - they just waiting on a tap
And I've gotten close
To calling it quits
Not just with this music but with existence
No motivation to persist and despite your narratives
I'm not lazy or contrarian
I'm just fucking sick

And I take my meds each day
Hoping that they'll get me through the weak days
But it seems that every weekday is another replay
Choking just to ease pain
But I'm broken at the knees babe
Don't you see?
I'm getting charged convenience fees just to breathe
Mother Nature proved to be the biggest tease
And I leave any logic with the breeze
Till it's carried out to sea and I'm left sinking thinking that I'm free
But I'm not though
Haunted by the days back when Ye gave us Pablo
Inundated by those missteps while I kept my guide low
Lost in the foliage waiting on the high notes
Faking all my smiles

And if you see me smiling when I'm with you
Know that you are worth the pain inside
But I still feel like I'm fucking worthless
I know it's just my mind

And if you made it to the second verse
Please know this ain't a call for concern
This is all that I've learned from the highs and lows
And the turns and the scars and the burns
And whatever I have earned in my
Journey thus far through cracked lenses
Tomorrow could be different but today is feeling endless
Either way I meant this
I've been pent up and pensive betrayed by the pen tip
Amendments are needed for my past songs
And any negativity my lines may have passed on
I thought i was a beast but now I see I was Gaston
Gassed on hurting other people to fuel the fire for lack of
Awareness of myself
Awareness of the hell I wear mistakes like bells
I can tell that I'm molting out the shell
Went from molten lava to lava lamping up on the shelf
Moving slowly and it helps

And I lay in bed each day
Hoping that the tide soon will change
Thinking all I have is deep range
But the water's shallow on these bays
Tell me "Build a bridge"
I say "Not during a heat wave"
Grandeur got me feeling like the fans hurt
When I'm not posting online or feeding into banter
Every second guess is advancing the cancer
In order to hurt your fans you gotta have some fans first
The same mechanism keeping me vain for recognition is causing my tunnel vision
And its sickening
I wanna be able to function while I'm out and enjoying the public
But my mind keeps on twisting things
Calculating whether or not
The majority of people exist to watch me shop
Do you know what it's like when your followed 'round for blocks
Just to realize your mind made it up on the spot?
Do you know what it's like?

Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like?

The same thing making me want love's the same thing making these thoughts up
I know it's just my mind