They Call Him Lake

They call him Lake
Spends all of his days riding round on a jet ski
They call him Lake
Snapping pictures of shorelines and sunsets
They call him Lake
Husbands and fathers watch him in envy on the internet

Another day another body of water
He puts his jet ski back on the trailer
Pitches a tent and lights up a fire
All summer long he does it over and over
Is that what freedom is
Who knows but it's gotta be pretty close

They call him Lake
But his real name is Jake
We used to huff gas after the school day
And consume the most macabre content we could find
Through a legacy portal of unregulated loading times
One day deep down in the dark we stumbled on a dot com
Saw some footage of a man who made Ted Bundy look like Santa Claus
He had a woman tied up to a chair begging for her life
But that evil bastard only gave her one more night

As the years went by I grew more dignified
Got a college degree a job in finance three kids and a wife
But I've only seen three lakes in my life
And I get sad when I go online
Is this true misery
Who knows how it feels on the other side

They call him Lake
Something sinister stuck to him that day
Now every night before bed
He sees the face of the woman from the website in his head
Involuntarily obsessed
He can't stop watching the footage
Even though each night it's burning a deeper hole in his chest
One day he said you know what no more
I'll put my life to good use and meet that bastard on his front door
Look him in the eyes and say hey guy I know what you did back in 2005
And now you're satanic ass is out of nights

Now when the footage gets to minute number four
The camera pans right to an oval window
Look through the window on the shore, freeze frame
There is a boathouse with lime green paint
Lime green paint
Lime green paint
Lime green paint
Hitman looking for a boathouse with lime green paint

They call him Lake
There he is living his life under the sun
We are not the same and yet we are one
Here I daydream how life could be
Worrying about nobody but me
Every day filled with peace living life at the highest speed
They call him Lake
He's still cruisin through Wisconsin state
Scanning the shorelines posting pictures along the way
He's not gonna complain about his mission
He's a volunteer hitman with ambition
Could it be God in his ear saying
Kill the murderer and all the pain goes away

One thousand lakes down one thousand more to go
He'll be a record holder before he gets too old
Suntanned vagabond knows what he's looking for
Justice is the only thing to satisfy his soul
Will he find happiness
By destroying that macabre artist
I'll follow him until retirement day
Until he finds in a giant state a tiny lake and an old boat house with
Lime green paint
Lime green paint
Lime green paint
Hitman looking for a boathouse with lime green paint