ANONYMITY

It's very much a place for me
Where I can express sexuality with anonymity

Where I can express my physicality
My sexuality
And remove the complexity of my body

In physical scenarios
Often the presence of my identity conflicts
With who I am appearing as or being perceived as
And it feels confronting un-arousing

There's an element of control
There's an element of fantasy and performance
The impermanence of it the immediacy
Of it

And there is no susceptibility to
Physical violence or entrapment

But that does not mean it is without risks

There is no one to hold afterwards or be held by
There is no aftercare
When they finish often it is before me
And then they disappear into the void again
I never see them again

And I am left alone
the next person might flicker onto the screen
Before I've closed the webcam to finish myself off
With myself if I do finish

People often screen record the interaction
So you have to be careful not to be recorded in that way
And end up on some website somewhere
Got to be vigilant to not show your face

Sometimes you might think you're interacting with
A real live person but sometimes they are a recording of another person
A catfish used to record you in the same way

I sent a piece of myself
Did you get my message?
I been throwing myself
Against the wall
Did you get my message through?

A final
Text message
To clarify

A snap
Remains
Left unread

A body
Awaiting
Validation

Your message
Come through
Message
I got a picture
Of you
Assemble
Bodies

I find ourself here
A figure on the peripherals
Glinting softly
On the edge of
Distorted and climax

I'm holding
Holding myself
Holding inwards
Inward holding

Softly softly
Let me lose
Let me fall

Let me build myself back
Back up
To the body
To the body I'm holding

Stillness stillness

Softly holding
Holding myself
Holding inwards
Inward holding