Jamie vs. Planet Earth

I'm just a friendly alien
And even still I can't pretend
Your earthly ways
Make any sense to me
I once was given sage advice
To always put salt in your eyes
I tried it once
And now it's hard to see

Well, thanks for your consideration
But after careful contemplation
I've finally identified
The issue, at its core

You're fucking full of bullshit
You're fucking full of bullshit

Let's break it down to tiny bits
I know you couldn't give two shits
But maybe you
Can help me understand
I'll wear a tie and go to work
Raise kids who grow up to be jerks
And in the end
Keel over, ain't life grand?

Well, thanks for your consideration
But after careful contemplation
I've finally identified
The issue, at its core

You're fucking full of bullshit
You're fucking full of bullshit

It's such a lovely tale
A custom immemorial
Afraid I must decline
Your existential glory hole

I'd like to thank you for your time
I've wasted yours, you've wasted mine
So let us part
I bid you fond adieu
There's one more thing that you should know
I stole your goddamn microphone
It isn't right
There's nothing you can do

Well, thanks for your consideration
But after careful contemplation
I've finally identified
The issue, at its core
You're looking for a new sensation?
May I suggest self-masturbation?
I've finally identified
The issue, at its core

You're fucking full of bullshit
You're fucking full of bullshit
So fucking full of bullshit
(You're fucking full of bullshit)
So fucking full of bullshit
(You're fucking full of bullshit)