Resolutions

My head's about to blow
My heart's about to burst
My phone's 'bout to inform me
That it's January 1st
I am tipsy as a toddler
I am dizzy as a dreidel
I am red-faced as a reindeer
That spun out on some loose cable

It's too late, brother
To beat the buzzer
I'm still covered in confusion
Three, two, one, kisses
But with God my witness
And to everyone who's still here
I swear that next year
I'll make some New Year's resolutions

Start planning in the autumn
Use that early start
To make a little spreadsheet
And insert a couple charts
With a full list of my bad bits
The beliefs and the behaviors
With a good goal, to save my soul
And babe maybe even save yours

I had a clear-eyed idea, Mia
But I botched the execution
Three, two, one, kisses
To my bastards and bitches
Listen up, my friends, have no fear
I swear that next year
I'll make some New Year's resolutions

2023, I promised this
In 2024 I'll make some promises
2025 is like a fantasy
But 2026'll pick some plans for me

And when it's N.Y.E.
I'll check the paperwork
Consult the ways I've been a joy
And ways I've been a jerk
Dressed and ready at the door
Before Miss Midnight comes a-knockin'
With my mittens and commitments on hand
Once that ball starts droppin'

It's too late, mother
I missed the buzzer
Held my breath but time kept movin'
Three, two, one, kisses
Not just for my missus
But for everyone who stayed here
I swear that next year
I'll make some New Year's resolutions