Lighter, Now!

Was it cause I wasn't harsh enough
Cause I wouldn't love you as rough
As you loved yourself
So your roots reached, writhed
Wrapped around our lives and then
Contractions
Yes, we let the bad in
Sat like open wounds
With a belly full of bracken
And when infection came
We acted like we weren't asking (for it)

We festered four whole summers
And all the while while
Your roots fed tighter, Darling
You filled me like a motel
For all the things you couldn't fix
And you couldn't fix living with you
And you couldn't sit seeing your truth
So you dug more roots
Til a stranglehold was all that we had
Holding us up

I never told you how many times
I stole from myself to keep you mine and
All the thousand ways I learned to say
'I'm fine, I'm fine, yes, ok'
I can't tell you all of the lines
I feed to myself just to sleep at night and
I got them black thumb bruises
I got them black thumb bruises
You never told me all of the times when
You couldn't breathe and you needed mine and
The hundred ways you couldn't say
'Hey, I'm on fire. I don't think that I'm ok'
I can't tell you all of the crimes
We did to ourselves just loving blind and
We got them black thumb bruises
We got them black thumb bruises

I became a black pit too
Sucking up bile just to feed my blue
And when blue goes black
It starts to grey between defend and attack
And you saw me digging deep holes (deep down)
Looking through your roots overgrown (underground)
Like what if something happens
We have to find a passage
There's a place I can't remember
But it sure feels like the center of this whole thing
And look, I know if we can find it
I just know it can remind us
Of all the sturdy ties that bind us
Like when we met with kindness
We can put this sh*t behind us
And give this corpse some brightness
You can finally breathe with lightness
Why can't we make it all
A bit lighter?

I never told you how many times
I stole from myself to keep you mine and
All the thousand ways I learned to say
'I'm fine, I'm fine, yes, ok'
I can't tell you all of the lines
I feed to myself just to sleep at night and
I got them black thumb bruises
I got them black thumb bruises
You never told me all of the times when
You couldn't breathe and you needed mine and
The hundred ways you couldn't say
'Hey, I'm on fire. I don't think that I'm ok'
I can't tell you all of the crimes
We did to ourselves just loving blind and
We've got them black thumb bruises
We got them black thumb bruises