complicated feelings

It started as a joke
I had no hope
I had everything I wanted
Until those months, everything all changed

Running around the town
Faces go round and round
It made me so angry, yet I have no right to be
Even though I have self love, what if maybe

Though I'm happy for you
I "love" the relationship
I'm making a big mistake
Shouldn't be thinking it
It all happened fast with a possibility
Cause back then I wanted you instead

The reason why I didn't like seeing you two
Though I'm alone, there is nothing that I can do
But why am I desperate, I already have my self confidence

I still have my plans, so what is the deal though?
It feels so draining when you talk about her
And I thought I liked you
But now its so small
(Don't let it interfere)

I did some research asking why I felt this way
It says that it's normal, but I just don't feel okay
I guess I'm still healing from the lies of my past relationship
And nowadays, I feel I'll lose my-
(No, take a breath)

Now I'm running and running
All around the town
Let it all leave my head
Having my heart pound
I did this to myself, and I knew I shouldn't
(But why is this a human thing?)

Am I unhappy, It doesn't seem like it
Am I just crazy?
Or am I a narcissist?
Someone please answer, I'm just a deer in the headlights

Don't let it interfere
Don't let it mess up your mind
I'm doing the best that I can
And I'm giving this a hard try

I know the reason
And I'm not pleading
And you probably don't know it
But what if I'm better off alone instead?

I'm a hopeless romantic, cupid has already flew
Though I'm alone, there is nothing that I can do
But why am I desperate, I already have my self confidence

I still have my plans, so what is the deal though?
It feels so draining waiting for cupid's arrow
I wished you loved me, but now it's so small

(Don't let it interfere)