Black bin bag

Simon he was a tall man
And he looked like Morgan Freeman
He was fifty two years old
Half Irish Polynesian
A building site labourer
A drinking fighting man
Carried a shovel in a black bin bag
With no fear and no plan
Simon threw a mighty punch
At an English football lout
The lad fell off his stool
And his eye was bulging out
Then a short stocky English lad
Rips off his t-shirt
Someone filming on their phone
When he charged in for blood & bone

With a shovel in his hands
Simon says"I'm gonna kill him!"
But Simon was too drunk
And the lads were full of coke
Hey!

Pummelled into a bloody mess
Simon cried no more no more
We dragged the English lads out
And the police were at the door
Simon held up his fists
When he climbed on to his feet
He starts bouncing back and forth
Getting ready for the police
When he tried to choke the coppers throat
He was handcuffed to the bar
He looked at me with sorry eyes"Does this mean I'm barred?"
I laughed as he was wrestled out
I said"of course you are!"
And I gave the copper his shovel
Wrapped up in a black bin bag
Hey!

The police asked the English lads
For their names and where they're from
They both said they were from nowhere
And their names were both no-one
Nobody got arrested
Cause Simon said the same
Now they walk the streets of Ealing
In the cold cold rain
So beware all publicans
Up and down the Uxbridge road
There are nutters on a war path
And they have no place to go
They won't be hard to miss
And You will not have a doubt
Ones a tall bloodied man
The other has one eye hanging out
So I cleaned up the bar
Mopping up the blood, glass and beer
And I thought to myself"I can't believe I still work here"
And I'd love to tell you this was just a rare event in time
But we're next to Ealing Broadway
The first and the end of the line
Hey!