Sweetheart

An idolized tsunami tide
Raisin skin for years
We played splash in this pool of tears
Coffee stains
On my teenage brain
I always preferred tea
I'd drink poison if it meant you'd see

My song was never gonna be on television
I told you that for attention
I told you that so that you'd want me
A girls night that ended with a type of petty argument
I knocked on your door for opinion
Hanging with the boys, you didn't want me
Just us alone, you'd confide in me
I made up something shiny
So I could get you wanting me

I wrote that night

Sweetheart, I love you, I really do
Sweetheart, I gotta leave you
Sweetheart, I love you, I really do
Sweetheart, I gotta leave you

Adult kids
Innate risks
Throw in a lack of trying
And loving will feel like dying
My open wounds
Run to you
Knowing you're the reason
They ever started bleeding

My leg was never for you to touch
How fucking dare you
After years of work to forget you
You can't just decide you want me
Blame the booze in your blood on why you found it fitting
To reach over without asking
You knew our past ruined me
You said my name like you wanted me
You reached inside like you wanted me
That's the closest I've been to not wanting me

I walked myself home singing

Sweetheart, I love you, I really do
Sweetheart, I gotta leave you
Sweetheart, I love you, I really do
Sweetheart, I gotta leave you

I hold onto the storyline of our imaginary clementines
I peel discussing the rising inflation
As we spiral into grocery list conversations
Instead of holding onto the storyline
That I loved you enough to die trying
To get you to ask me about my day
And then call that enough reason to stay

Sweetheart, I love you, I really do
Sweetheart, I gotta leave you
Sweetheart, I love you, I really do
Sweetheart, that's why I'm leaving you

I hold onto the storyline of our imaginary
I really do
And that's why I'm leaving you

I loved you enough to die trying