Wide Eyed

As a kid I tried to grind for the one time
Kind of popped off, now I never see the sunshine
Now it's twenty-seven years on the runtime
Chipped, cold shoulders, so I never have a fun time

My mind was stuck in the same orbit
We all just want to die with someone thinking we're important
Everybody is focused on what everybody's saying
You'd have an easier time if you learn to ignore it

Came in strong, but it came with a cost
I lost half my mind and rebuilt my walls
They tell you how they won, but leave out the loss
They make no effect, they're lost in the cause

Nowadays, I do shit just because
Nowadays, I'm just trying to feel human
Nowadays, I'm just trying live life
Getting done what I'm doing before it's all ruined

Screw it, I came up selling raps and eight balls
Had so many people, but they just went AWOL
My life 180'd, and for that I'm thankful
But there's many roads in my way that I can't go

I won't bore you to death with the rest
But I'm staying true with the last breath in my chest
It's hard to open up, but I've been through so much it's never right to bring up
So that's probably for the best

Young mister cleaned up mess
Deemed obsessed, I could only speak in "whens"
And at best I'd zone out when I'd meet with friends
Or find trash just to meet my ends, it's not living

I climbed out of bed and watched the plot thicken
I climbed out my head, and I learned how to breathe
I took a time out, and I learned what I need
And I didn't change much, but I'm who I want to be

My ex-girl knows what I mean, go and get that degree
Go and build you a life
And to my ex-friends who've been trying to reach me
I really hope you're doing well, I've been doing alright

I'm still doing this. So many more people know Manic than Chris
It doesn't feel real that it turned to what it is
I spent so long rapping to just Mike and just Slim
And I didn't write well, you can go and ask them

It's more than just a list of lessons
It's more than found peace in a misdirection
It's the truth, that every moment in perspective
Just proves tenfold to have been a blessing

I just get down, and it gets the best of mines
And I wild out, and I get depressed and lie
About where I've been, just to tell the rest I'm fine
To tell the truth to you though, I'm petrified

But I really don't feel I went wrong
Rose to the lead part so my people weren't lost
I told you, I plan, and I disregard cost
Take a look at my land, ain't a thing I can't cross

Vally of the shadow, I'm braced, but I walk
And I've already made it farther than they all thought
I'll probably fall off, and then I'll probably fall off
And then I'll probably fall off, but always getting back on