Edited Adrenaline

Staring down the barrel of the next ten years and my parents are living alone
I don't know, I guess now I just want less
Sure the red pills help, I was crying for a minute to feel
And it was nice to try manic, and yelling fills a few of the holes
But I'm losing my hair and nothing's ever better than the
Edited adrenaline of loving, and fighting, and leaving, and trying again

I'd love to want more, I'd love to know what I need
The thrill of the fall, it hasn't pulled me in in years
I've been stuck in a jog around the same block

Losing my attention, shrinking every minute with pixels or sounds or both
Clicking on clothes kinda gets me close, I guess
Sure my therapist helps, I think I'm thinking better each week
And it was nice to try drinking more than the 2-4 beers that I write on my intake forms
But I'm losing my mind trying to remember the
Edited adrenaline of running and fighting and breathing and writing
Out a narrative where I wasn't even invited
So I better keep trying

I'd love to want more, I'd love to know what I need
The thrill of the fall, it hasn't pulled me in in years
I've been stuck in a jog around the same block

What if I'm not good enough at getting older?
Young is all I've ever seen
No I'm not giving up
I'm just getting over some of the little things I thought I'd be

I don't want to settle up
I couldn't ever get enough
But drinking to drown, yeah it's been wearing me down lately
I don't want to run away
Maybe I could care again
In between the shower and the car and the street and the parking lot

I've been stuck in a jog around the same block

I'd love to want more, I'd love to know what I need
The thrill of the fall, it hasn't pulled me in in years
I've been stuck in a jog around the same block