it's my birthday soon

My skin will get lonely, so I let him hold me, but it only works for a moment
Then I'm back to feeling sorry, back to drowning in what ifs and talking to silence, too guilty to notice I've gone
Back to floating in circles, too busy collecting dust off my shoulders, cause it's been that long

Now that it's my birthday soon, and what did I do? but sit here and waste my body for you
I'll apologize to the candlelight, cause I bet it got tired from hearing me lie

I'm weeping potential, bottled it up for later, almost as if I'm waiting to run dry, to finally have an excuse for my failures
For not making the family proud and blame the baggage passed down, but nobody else claimed it
Then pass 364 days until I face the consequence, cause now that

Now that it's my birthday soon my reminder to look back at the chances I let slip through candles on a cake
I'll wish out of respect, but I don't think it'll likely they'll come true, and yet, I'm still hopeful when I'm older, but then again
I'm already too old to be guessing
Guess it feels like the last eight years every birthday now, just reminders of where I'm not, when will I start to like my life?
Back when I was 14, maybe when I'm 23
Then I'll be 38, will it be enough by then? will I know the answers? will I want what I wanted?

It's my birthday today, I cry, they celebrate, I never forget to feel like wasted breath
Each year I now expect my friends to forget to call, I think we all just feel the same
It's my birthday today, just another bad day, I'll pretend I've always liked it that way