reddit sob story

Over the past few months
All I've felt are eggshells on my feet and nails in my heart
My eyes feel citric
With lemon-doused cuts
From all the watered-down dinner dates that now seem oh so pointless

I feel like you can't even hear me
It's like
Screaming into a tunnel of dead-end air
Just waiting for a bus that never comes to
Take me to some place where I might think I'd feel whole again

The only problem is
I think I love you more than myself
I've tried to see through some of your soggy half-baked arguments
But I just end up hating myself even more

Sometimes when we fight I wonder
Is this what I'm made for?
Do I deserve to not feel good enough?

Sometimes when I'm in these moods or as a reaction to a disagreement
I feel as if
I'm looking through the light at the end of the shotgun barrel
Looking for reasons to stay
But all happiness fades
When the idea of me comes into play

I feel used
Not in the sexual sense
But more for my clarity
And I hate having an ego
But I feel like my rug of rationale has been pulled

And I'm nothing but a worthless fuck
Roaming the realms of cigarette-stained reveries
Told by uncharismatic wimp bands
Like the smiths or Billie Eilish
I wish I could fuck myself in a mirror too

I want to leave but I feel like it would hurt too much
I want to die but I think it would burn my friends hands
Trying to save me from what I've become
I'm not the person who I became before

I was happier then
I want to hold you
But only because it would give my lifeless body some shape

And I thought I'd be happier now, but I'm not
Now I want to run myself under 200 pounds
Of all the times I told myself "this isn't right"
But I feel like what I'm saying right now isn't right

I'm too scared to hurt you
And I think that's what hurts the most

(Don't go, please don't go)

No matter how much you hate me
I will always love you, endlessly