revised goodbyes

I've done the Maths
I've counted every breath
Is this as good as it can get
Nameless moments slipping like sand
Will I leave this world with unplayed cards in my hand

What if the wind stops
And my life like a kite that falls
Will I leave this life having missed it all
What if the wind roars
And the string snaps off
Will I stand strong, will I weather storms, or will I get lost

What if the wind never pick up
And I'm left on the floor
Am I anchored down or just tangled up
I forgot

I bet they're tired of putting up with me
When I let it all unravelled at the seams
'Cause this is old news that I fear the heights
But they never know how much I crave for flight

They never know what it's like
When the wind's not on my side
They never see the tears I fight to be left behind
They never know what it's like to try, try, try
They never know what it's like
To think suicide

'Cause what if I, what if I

Have I lived enough or just grown old
Have I given my all before I let go
'Cause I fear I haven't flown
But what if the wind dies down
Will it catch my fall

What if I don't have time to revise my goodbyes
What if I don't have time to revise my own life
Bubble-wrap my heart from double-edge knives
Learn to not go down without putting up a fight
Why am I so hard to forgive, so violent to myself
I just want to rest, put my strength down for a while
I lack the stomach for another trial
Will I ever not be surprised by my will to survive

I don't let things roll off, I don't let them slide
Pull myself up, stubbornly hold out for tomorrow
A tug of war with hope, through every sorrow
I didn't choose this life of strife
But I owe it to my younger self to rise
Swathed in every gust and every storm
I'll find the strength to be reborn



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