Christmas Is Interesting

You have put on your feety pajamas
It's time for a long winter's nap
There's a knock on the door and a stranger is there
He wants you to sit on his lap

He takes your watch and he gives you a hairbrush
Your wife gets a wig on a chain
He says he can't stay 'cause he's got a long way to go
And it's starting to rain

Christmas is interesting
Like a knife in your heart
Christmas is interesting
How it tears you apart
Christmas is interesting
Like a stick in your eye
It's so freaking interesting
That it might make you cry

So, you're an elf, but you'd rather be a dentist
Maybe you're a train with square wheels
Maybe you're a squirt gun that only shoots jam
Now you know how Jesus feels

He is riding a sleigh he calls Rosebud
His mansion is lonely and cold
He can't remember a pleasant December
When he wasn't tired and old

Christmas is interesting
Like a knife in your heart
Christmas is interesting
How it tears you apart
Christmas is interesting
Like a stick in your eye
It's so freaking interesting
That it might make you cry

So, you're drunk, and your name is Jimmy Stewart
You once had a wonderful life
Then you lost all your money, you cracked up your car
You yelled at your favorite wife

You go to bed and you wait for Jacob Marley
And he comes to make you feel brave
But under his cloak he is nothing but smoke
And a finger that points at your grave

Christmas is interesting
Like a knife in your heart
Christmas is interesting
How it tears you apart
Christmas is interesting
Like a stick in your eye
It's so freaking interesting
That it might make you cry