Confessions

I have a tale to tell

I was three feet from the floor, gasping for air
Trying to release my fathers hands from my throat
I looked into his eyes and wondered
If my feet would ever touch the floor again

Have you ever been hit so hard
That it sends your body flying across the room
We all fall to the floor at some point
It's how you pick yourself up, that's the real challenge, isn't it?

I've always lived in my own world
I dance to escape my troubles
I've learnt that there's light even in the darkest places
I can't blame my father for anything
You can't rely on other people to make you happy
But I know deep down inside he loved me

It was a time I suffered so much
I wanted to get it out of me
I would cut my arms, not to kill myself, I don't want to die
I know I am lucky to be on this earth

I did it so the physical pain would calm the pain
That was eating me inside, nothing was erased
I live with my past tucked away, deep inside of me
It comes out as an explosion and it invades me

I believe we are messengers on earth
I believe in Angels
I am blessed by God to tell myself I suffered that much
To become who I am today

Now you have to realize not only do I have a family
But now I have a whole hood and that's power
But I ain't no primy ass nigga
I was never out to kill anybody
Specially when I made that decision of gang bang
I just wanted to fit in

But one day I was forced to do something
That made me open my eyes and realize that this ain't no game
One of the homies got popped
And I was the first one doing my first drop by
It was kinda fucked up the way they tried to set me up

Me and my bro, we was headed back to the A block
Then some homies rolled up and they asked us to go somewhere
We pulled up to the corner
Then he pressed the chunky ass gun in my lap
He said you know what to do really, it's time to get poppy for the hood

That was not to kill anybody