The Rap

I don't do songs, I'm all about the written word
And you should see me write graffiti, concrete's preferred
There's nothin' worse than hearing verse sung like a tweety bird
Unless it's screamin' cause I'm beatin' up a theater nerd
Or haven't you heard -
I'm the black sheep in the band of brothers
Who sit around singing showtunes
Giving back rubs to each other
You make a musical, don't matter if it's witty or pretty
That's a one way ticket to buttkicked city
Where you all are permanent residents
Do you need a little more evidence?
Dr. Horrible – Hey that's sound kinda dark and cool
Song-along blog – What the f*ck is this? Preschool?

Zacky's doing us a little favor
Blessin' Commentary with his flavor
Don't tell him it's a musicial
'Cause then he might kill us all

You people are in freefall, straight into a cheese ball
I get a message please call my bookie buddy, He's all -
What the hell is up with you up on Hulu
Thought we were layin' low after that hooker snafu
I said, hey listen, you just misunderstood
I got to get in on this web sh*t while the gettin's good
I didn't know there were songs, that sh*t makes me sick
My brother said it's about a guy who kills some chick

JED
Hey, weren't you a prince in "The King and I" in seventh grade?

ZACK
No, but I was backstage in the dark getting laid

JED
Weren't you pigpen in that "Charlie Brown" show we did?

ZACK
No, I just wandered on stage during my homeless period

JED
Didn't you sing about the business in "Annie Get Your Gun?"

ZACK
Is that what that was? I've been tanked up since ninety-one

JED
Weren't you the Tin Man in "The Wizard of Oz" or something?

ZACK
Yeah, but I played the f*ck out of that part

Zacky's doing us a little favor
Blessin' Commentary with his flavor
Don't tell him it's a musical
'Cause then he might kill us all

I wrote all the good lines and I made them funny
But I was only in it for the horrible money
Plus some were cut out, cause Joss is such a wuss he
Cut my line for the girl, "The Penny is my p_ssy"
Not to mention my whole Moist storyline
Where he gets caught selling blow at the rest stop and serves time and then he gets out and tries to get his sh*t together and teaches art to underprivileged kids at the local high school, but things take an interesting turn when an old gambling buddy comes to collect. See it's his former life coming back to haunt him. You can't outrun your past. See? Get it? That's the point, Joss. It's compelling!
What's going to happen to these kids?

Zacky's doing us a little favor
Blessin' Commentary with his flavor
Don't tell him it's a musical
'Cause then he might kill us all