Miss Marmelstein (I Can Get It for You Wholesale)

Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Oh, why is it always Miss Marmelstein?
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein

Other girls get called by their first names right away
They get cozy intimate ... do you know what I mean?
Nobody calls me, "Hey, baby doll!" (Miss Marmelstein)
Or "honey dear" (Miss Marmelstein) or "sweetie pie" (Miss Marmelstein)
Even my first name would be preferable

Though it's terrible, it might be better, it's yetta
Or perhaps my second name that's Tessye
Spell T-e-s-s-y-e!
But no, no, it's always Miss Marmelstein (it's Marmelstein)
You'd think at least Miss M. they could try...
Miss Marmelstein! Miss Marmelstein!
Miss Marmelstein! Miss Marmelstein! Miss Marmelstein!
Oh, I could die!

I'm a very willing secretary
Enjoy my work as my employer will corroborate
Except for one disappointment, one fly in the ointment
It's great! I mean simply great!
But the aggravation of my situation
I might as well get it off my chest
It's the drum appellation

Oh, pardon the big words I apply
But I was an English major at C.C.N.Y.
Drum appellation!
Well, literally I am persistently addressed
Persistently, perpetually, continually and inevitably addressed

Believe me, it could drive a person positively psychosomatic
Why is it always Miss Marmelstein?
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Other girls get called by their nicknames right away

Slightly naughty or riske
Do you know what I mean?
Nobody calls me "koo-chee-koo" (Miss Marmelstein)
Or "boobala" (Miss Marmelstein) or "passion pie"
Even "hey there babe" thought not respectable
Ain't so objectable

It's kind of crummy but chummy
Of course if I got married, that would do it
So, where's the lucky guy? Ha...
'Til then it still is Miss Marmelstein (Miss Marmelstein)

Every day, I get more and more fast
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Oh-oh-oh
I could bust!