18 Wheels of Love - Live at The High Hat Music Club, Athens, GA/1999

When my mum and dad got divorced
My mama, she locked herself up in her bedroom
And she didn't come out for six years

In my mama's bedroom, she's got three TV sets
Just like Elvis, the king, used to have
And on top of each one of them TV set, my mama, she had two VCR's
So that she could watch all the shows later
That she wouldn't watching when she was watching the other shows

My mama, she'd sit there in her bedroom
Reading the National Enquire and The Sun, The Star
Drinking vodka and milk
Flipping in the channels

Then my sister graduated from school, child support ran out
My mama was forced to go out and get a job
And let me tell you folks, it's a mean, mean cruel world out there
For a 55 years old woman who has never worked a day in her life

She never even has any kind of a college education or nothing
So my mama was forced to work one shit job after another
To finally, take letter to a place called R and D trucking, Florence Alabama
And they hired my mama to be a truck log monitor

Her job was to audit all them truck logs every Monday morning
And if any of them truck drivers have been driving too long without a brake
She was supposed to catch it before the DOT caught it
Waiting for a lemonade and R and D trucking from heaven to pay her fine or something

And there's one this truck driver
He was the biggest, meanest motherfucker in that R and D truck
His name was Chester, Chester weighed 350 pounds
And he was solid muscles and good and on Chester's arm he had the word Kim tattoeted
And rumor had it that back in vietnam one night he killed eight man in their sleep
In order to escape from a POW

And now every Monday morning my mum
Is calling Chester into her office and bitching him out
Finally one day, my mama just snaps
And she's standing up there on the desk
So that she can have a height advantage on him
And she is yelling at the top of her lungs

She says, "Chester, Chester goddammit
Everywhere you fuck up your logs when you know I'm gonna get you
And you know I'm gonna beat you out, what gives?
And Chester, he looked my mama square in the eye
And he said, "Jane, it's because I'm in love with you
And I knew that the only way I could talk to you is to fuck up my logs
So you call me in here and bitch me out

And six months later, Chester went to a tattoo parlor
And he had the word Kim changed to Jane
And my mum and Chester, they eloped and they got married in pigeon forge tennis field Dollywood
And I just moved to Georgia, and I was broke and I didn't have no money
So I wrote my mama this song as a wedding present
It's called "18 Wheels of Love" and every goddamn word is true

Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Pay the bill, pay the bill

Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Pay the bill, pay the bill

He is making her give life another stab
They can see the world from way up in the cab

Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Pay the bill, pay the bill

Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Pay the bill, pay the bill

She can quit her job now, be his little bride
He can get a local route and stay home by her side
She can fix him roast beast and sweet potato pie
He can eat a lot of it 'cause he a big old guy

They got married in Dollywood
They got married in Dollywood
They got married in Dollywood
By a Porter Waggoner look alike

18 wheels of love