Popular - (Wicked)

Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
(And let's face it -
who isn't
Less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover I simply have to take over
I know, I know exactly
what they need
And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry -
I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be
popular
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!
I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts
To be popular!
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a
Sister and adviser
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular -
I know about popular!
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary who-you-were—well are!
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popular - lar
La la, la la
We're gonna make
You pop-u-lar!
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular! Please -
It's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular
Like me!