I Ran Away

I remember back when I was still in school
These bullies always picked on me, they called me a fool
They knocked me on the ground!
They rubbed dog poop in my ears!
They kicked me, they punched me
They said, "Come and fight you wimp!"
(What'd you do??!!)

I faked I had an injury then I ran away

I ran away, yes I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
The children always laughed at me after that day
When I said I tore my ACL then I ran away

I was playing one day in my backyard
When I made the perfect snowball, round and smooth and hard
I spotted nasty Ted Jablonski!
I let fly the perfect snowball!
It smashed the neighbour's windshield!
He came out and said, "Who the hell did that?!"
(What'd you do??!!)

I pointed at my sister and then I ran away

I ran away, yes I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
My sister was grounded for three years and a day
So I said she was adopted and then I ran away

I was walking with my girlfriend one night
Two guys were sitting on a bench, they pointed at her and said
"She's a fat, ugly tramp!"
"She smells like peanut butter!"
"She's a loser!"
"She's pedantic!"
"She's a mediocre soccer player!"
My girlfriend said, "Make them stop!"
(What'd you do??!!)

I dumped my girlfriend on the spot then I ran away

I ran away, yes I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
The honour of my woman was on the line that day
So I told my girlfriend I was gay and I ran away

I was walking by myself last week
When the devil himself appeared in front of me
He had fire all around him!
He smelled like a burning tire dump!
He opened his mouth, he pointed at me and he said
"Mike, you're next!"
(What'd you do??!!)
I came up to the devil!
I poked the devil on the shoulder!

I said, "Look over there," and then I ran away

I ran away, yes I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
I'm hoping that the devil smokes two packs a day
'Cause my day of reckoning is here and I ran away

I ran away, yes I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
Whenever I was challenged I collapsed like a souffle
But I'm still alive to sing this song 'cause I ran away

Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
Oh yes I ran
I ran away!