Conversation With The Devil

I had a dream last night I was cast into Hell by a jealous God
The Devil walked up and said, "You don't need no lightning rod
It hardly ever rains down here, I can't recall the last storm
You ain't gonna need that leather jacket, it gets kinda warm
But there's one way in there's no way out
It looks like you're here to stay
The place is a mess, it's overcrowded, more are coming in everyday"

I said, "Oh man, wait a minute there's gotta be something wrong
I ain't a bad guy, just write these little songs
I always pay my union dues, I don't stay in the passing lane"
And he said, "What about all that whiskey and the cocaine"
I said, "Well, yeah, but that's no reason to throw me in Hell
'Cause I didn't use the cocaine to get high
I just liked the way it smelled"

He said, "Come on over here son, let me show you around
Over there's where we put the preachers, I never liked those clowns
They're always blaming me for everything wrong under the sun
It ain't that harder to do what's right, it's just maybe not as much fun
Then they walk around thinking they're better than me and you
And then they get caught in a motel room
Doing what they said not to do"

"Now the murderers and the rapists they go in this fiery lake
As well as most of the politician and the cops on the take
And all the mothers who wait till they get to K-Mart to spank their kids
And instead of showing what to do what's right
They just hit 'em for what they did
And all the daddy's who run off and abandon their daughters and sons
Oh, anybody who hurts a child is gonna burn until it's done"

"Everybody is down here", I said
"Who's up in Heaven with God and the Son"
Oh, some saints and mystics and students of metaphysics 101
People who care and share and love and try to do what's right
Beautiful old souls who read a little stories to their babies every night
What you won't find up in Heaven are
Christian Coalition Right Wing Conservatives
Country program directors and Nashville record executives

Now I said, "I've made some mistakes, but I'm not as bad as those guys
How can God do this to me or can't He sympathize
He said, "You're wrong about God being cruel and mean
Oh, God is the most loving thing that's never been seen"
I said, "Hotshot tell me this which religion is the truest"
He said, "There all about the same
Buddha was not a Christian, but Jesus woulda made a good buddist"

Well, I thought about my future, I didn't seem to have much of one
I looked around to leave but there was no place to run
I said, "I don't suppose I could go back and try living again
You know like reincarnation, I hear that's the way it's always been"
"I can't answer that", he said
"You're gonna have to wait for that response
But it's not any more unusual to be born twice than it is to be born once"

Well, it looked like I was gonna be stuck here as far as I could tell
I thought I might as well suck up, you know what the hell
I said you, "You know that song that Charlie Daniels did
About how you went down to Georgia and played fiddle against that kid"
He said, "Yeah it broke my heart but you know what are you gonna do
I said, "To tell you the truth
I thought your solo was the better of the two"

Well, then I woke up and I was lying in my bed
I ran upstairs and kissed my little boy on his sleeping head
I took this dream as a sign from God, so I thought I'd better pray
I said, "Don't ever speak to me directly and thanks anyway"
Now so much has changed about me
Besides me just giving up red meat
Some get spiritual, 'cause they see the light
And some, 'cause they feel the heat