The Last Real Record Store On Earth

I've got my daily crossword
and there's coffee in the pot.
I've got cable and a girlfriend
who's pissed off but she's hot.
I've got records that its taken me
a lifetime to amass
and I play them on a system
that will kick your system's ass.
And if my life's not perfect,
if I'm anxious, bored, or sad.
Well today may be less shitty
with whole chuncks of not-so-bad.
And I wouldn't change a thing about it.
No I wouldn't want to change a thing.
In a world that's unreliable
these are rocks on which to cling.
Nothings great and nothings new
nothing has its worth.
Meet the real go-getter
with the thrift store sweater
and the Last
Real
Record Store on Earth.
I get by relying
on the freaks who can't survive
without their Japanese import
or their Zappa 45.
They're really kinda sad
hell, I'd be making fun of them
if it weren't for the fact
I'm really one of them.
Yes if you're into vinyl
we've got everything essential.
I'm sitting on a business
that has zero growth potential.
And I wouldn't change a thing about it
A to K rack, L to Z.
It's dark and dingy
never crowded
all a record store should be.
For the serious collector
who knows a records worth
need a vintage Decca?
Step into my Mecca
in the Last
Real
Record Store on Earth.
Ever since I lost control
(That's Dick, he works for me.)
It's a Hiroshima of the soul.
(He's listened to every record in this store.)
Ever since we've been apart
(Twice.)
it's a Hiroshima
of my heart.
Hiroshima of my heart.
I want to find a love
(Hiroshima of my heart)
A love to call my own
(Hiroshima of my heart)
But I'm too weird and shy
I guess I'll die alone.
Barry! You're late!
Yeah, sorry, I stopped to get you this box of...
seven donuts.
What can I do?
They came as temps.
But then they started showing up here every day!
It's been four years.
They just won't leave.
They never even ask me for a raise in pay.
And as I gaze across this filthy space,
I see insanity in every face.
Some days I think I should just torch the place!
But then I think where would I go?
Find guys who prize the things I know?
It smells like ass--
But even so...
I wouldn't change a thing about it!
Cause most other stores are crap!
Buying music shouldn't be like
Buying khakis at the Gap!
(Don't fall into the Gap!)
We're the experts here on everything
That's anything of worth!
If you hate mass market
Bring your ass and park it
At the Last
Real
Record Store on Earth!
This ain't no Tower!
This ain't no Tower!
This ain't no Coconuts!
This ain't no Coconuts!
And this ain't no soulless sanitized
corporate Third Reich fucking WalMart!
Alright, Barry!
They're sucking the blood out of the little guys!
No shit!
My rent check bounced.
I live at home.
Stayed up til four
watching Mary Tyler Moore.
My girl holds out.
My girl inflates.
I think I had sex once
but I'm not sure.
The things I hope for seem so far away.
(So far away)
I'm not to brilliant on the day-to-day.
(What's the day today?)
That's why I come Monday through Saturday--
And I wouldn't change a thing about it,
My whole world's inside this store.
Where would I go,
What would I do without it?
This is what I'm living for.
For the serious collector
Who knows a record's worth!
If you hate mass market
Bring your ass and park it.
It's the best, that's final!
Find the finest vinyl
At the last real record store--
(repeating in a round)
We've got blues and soul and R&B.
We've got blues and soul and R&B.
(round)
Ska, punk and new wave...
Ska, punk and new wave...
(round)
Hip hop, rock, and pop.
Hip hop, rock, and pop.
And the only thing that we don't have is
Customers who shop!
I always dreamed someday
I'd have this wonderful career.
I went where the music took me
And oh God, it took me here.
And they'll write it on my tombstone
Right beside my date-of-birth:
Part-time stoner
Went from clerk to owner
Of the Last
Real
Record Store on Earth!
I wouldn't change a thing about it
Gonna get up on the roof and shout it!
But will it hold us all? I doubt it!
And I--
I--
I--
I wouldn't change a thing!
I wouldn't change a thing!
I wouldn't change a thing!