The Derby Ram

As I was going to Derby all on a market day
I met the biggest ram, my boys
That ever was fed on hay

And indeed, my lads, it's true, my lads
I never was known to lie
And if you'd been down in Derby
You'd seen him the same as I

He had four feet to walk upon
He had four feet to stand
And every foot that he set down
It covered an acre of land

The horns that grew on this ram's head
They grew so very long
And every time he shook his head
They rattled against the sun

And indeed, my lads, it's true, my lads
I never was known to lie
And if you'd been down in Derby
You'd seen him the same as I

The wool on this ram's back, my boys
It grew so very high
The eagles came and built their nests
And I heard the young 'uns cry

The man that fed this ram, my lads
He fed him twice a day
And every time he opened his mouth
He swallowed a rick of hay

And indeed, my lads, it's true, my lads
I never was known to lie
And if you'd been down in Derby
You'd seen him the same as I

This ram he had two horns, my lads
That reached up to the moon
A boy went up in January
And didn't come back till June

Now this old ram, he had a tail
That reached right down to hell
And every time he waggled it
He rang the old church bell

The butcher that stuck this ram, my lads
Was up to his knees in blood
And the little boy who held the bowl
Was carried away by the flood

And indeed, my lads, it's true, my lads
I never was known to lie
And if you'd been down in Derby
You'd seen him the same as I

Now all the men in Derby
Came a-begging for his eyes
To pound up and down the Derby streets
For they were of a football's size

Took all the boys in Derby
To carry away his bones
Took all the girls in Derby
To roll away his

And indeed, my lads, it's true, my lads
I never was known to lie
And if you'd been down in Derby
You'd seen him the same as I

Now the man that fattened this ram
My boys, he must have been very rich
And the man who sung this song
He must be a lying son of a

So now my song is ended
I've nothing more to say
But give us another pint of beer
And we'll all of us go away

And indeed, my lads, it's true, my lads
I never was known to lie
And if you'd been down in Derby
You'd seen him the same as I