Struggling With Depression & Suicide

Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear "normal"
In some sort of way
It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be
I know there's been many
Who've had worse than I
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say "good-bye"
People say I have a lot going for me
I'm sorry, but I just can't see
I can't see because my worst enemy
It's not my life, but inside of me
Always on a roller coaster
Not much consistency
I'm nothing if I'm not up or down
I'm nothing if just "me"
Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead
Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It's hard to focus on the poor
Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It's hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much
I feel that everybody is better than me
And I can't do anything right
This is how I've felt my whole dang life
It didn't just start last night
No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speakl my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to "sit-tight"
Any one of these problems
Would be a very vice
But when you have them all
Living seems like a roll of a dice