Bruce

Bruce Bogtrotter
Yes, miss?
You liked my cake, didn't you, Bruce?
Yes, Miss Trunchbull, and I'm very sorry–
Oh, no, no, no, no, no
As long as you enjoyed the cake, that's the main thing
Is it?

Yes, Bogtrotter, it is
Oh, well, I did, thank you
Wonderful, marvellous, that makes me so happy
It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine
Oh, cook

What's the matter, Bogtrotter?
Lost your appetite?
Well, yes, I'm full
Oh, no, you are not full
I'll tell you when you are full
And I say that criminals like you are not full
Until you have eaten the entire cake

But-
No "buts", you haven't got time for "but", eat
But I can't eat it all
Headmistress, he'll be sick
He should have thought of that
Before he made a pact with Satan
And decided to steal my cake

Eat
He can't
Eat
He surely can't
Eat
He might explode
Eat

I can see that a slice or even two, Bruce
Might have been nice
But even you, Bruce
Have to admit
Between you and it
There's not a lot of difference in size

He can't (he can, Bruce)
He surely can't
He surely can't
You are the man, Bruce
He might explode
He's quite elastic
He's going to blow, make him stop
He's fantastic, look at him go
I can't watch

I think in effect
This must confirm, Bruce
What we all suspected
You have a worm, Bruce
Or maybe your largeness
Is a bit like the TARDIS
Considerably roomier inside

He can't (he can, Bruce)
He surely can't
He surely can't
You are the man, Bruce
B-R-O-O-C-E

Bruce
The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use
You produce, Bruce
Fantastically enthusiastic gastric juice
Oh, eat it up, lick it up, suck it up
Whatever you do, don't chuck it up and muck it up
Come on Bruce, be our hero
Cover yourself in chocolate glory

Bruce
You'll never again be subject to abuse
For your immense caboose
She'll call a truce, Bruce
With every swallow you are tightening the noose
We never thought it was possible
But here it is coming true
We can have our cake and eat it too

The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use
No excuse, Bruce
Let out your belt, I think you'll want your trousers loose
Ohh, stuff it in (Bruce)
You're almost finished (Bruce)
You'll fit it in, whatever you do just don't give in (Bruce)
Don't let her win (Bruce)
Come on Bruce, be our hero
Cover yourself in chocolate glory

Go on Bruce, do it

Ohh, Bruce
You'll never again be subject to abuse
For your immense carboose
She'll call a truce, Bruce
Just one more bite and you'll've
Completely cooked her goose
We never thought it was possible
But here it is coming true
We can have our cake and eat it

Ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-aah

Go on Brucey!