There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet - Live at Congress Theater, Chicago, IL, 2008

Please leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Please leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman
And from that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes whoa-oh
Everything goes according to plan

I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it
Cause you say so under your breath
You're reading lips, "when did he get all confident?"
Haven't you heard that... I'm the new cancer
Never looked better and you can't stand it

Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain and
I bet you just can't keep up with (keep up) these fashionistas and
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign
I bet to them your name is cheap, I bet to them you look like shh
Talk to the mirror, oh choke back tears and
Keep telling yourself, that "I'm a diva!"
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it
Cause you say so under your breath
You're reading lips "when did he get all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer
Never looked better and you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer
I've never looked better and you can't stand it

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch