Intro
This is Bo Burnham
He's 22 years old
He's a male
And he looks like the genetic product of a giraffe having sex with Ellen DeGeneres
He has a gigantic head, and tiny nipples
He's isolated himself over the last five years, in pursuit of comedy
And, in doing so
Has lost touch with reality
You're an asshole, Bo
You hear me?
You think you know better than me
You think you know better than everybody
You will die alone
And you will deserve it
But in the meantime
You might as well tell those silly jokes of yours
See if that helps
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny
But now you're contractually obligated
So dance, you fucking monkey!
Dance, monkey, dance!
Welcome to the show
This is Bo
This is his show
And Bo likes to dance like this
Welcome to the show
This is Bo
This is his show
And Bo takes off his pants like this
Play an invisible drum
Play an invisible trumpet (trumpet sound!)
Drink some invisible water
Oh, shit! That water's real!
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable (random voice!)
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
So sit back, relax, and enjoy
A healthy dose of
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
(Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Lick your lips to make it more comforting!
Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!)
Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!)
Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!)
Then pick a card, any card-
Sike!
Magic isn't real, you idiot (read a book!)
Magic isn't real, you idiot (read a book!)
Magic isn't real, you idiot (read a book!)
Magic isn't real
Or is it?
And at that moment
Bo's 20-year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder
He never knew there could be so much magic in the world
It's a world of possibilities, Bo
What do you want to do first?
Run?
Yeah, sure, you can run
Fly?
Well, yeah, you can fly
Wha-
What are you-
What the fuck are you do-
What the fuck are you doing?
Stop, st-, stop it
What the f-
You fucking idiot
Stop, stop, stop
Anyways
In the distance, Bo saw a beautiful fairy
A fairy so beautiful, that he felt proud about being called one in high school
He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard
Bo knew that he'd have to answer a riddle to get by
The troll spoke thus
"Alright, for the last time man"
"I'm not a troll, I'm homeless"
"Okay, do you have any spare change?"
"Okay, that's a used napkin"
"I don't want tha-"
"No, no, stop, just-, you know what?"
"Leave, just leave, please leave"
And then
As Bo arrived on the other side of the stage
He saw a unicorn, with five horns, right in front of him!
And the pentacorn spoke thus
"Hello, Bo!"
"I've been looking for you for quite a long t-"
"Oh!"
He was safe, for now
But the dark thoughts would soon return
It's Godzilla! (No!)
No! No! No! (My leg! My leg...)
No! (Oh my god...) (Fire!)
Oh my god!
Oh, my, god! (Aah!)
Run! Run! Run! (God, no!) (It's an eyebrow!)
Fire!
Aah!
It's so hard to be a lizard (did anyone see my son?!)
It's hard to be a lizard (I've lost my son!) (What did we do, God? What did we do!?) (He killed my wife...)
Tiny arms, itchy gizzard (that monster killed my wife!) (Oh my God, he's dead...) (Why is he singing!?)
It's hard to be a lizard (He's a monster! He killed my only headway!) (Oh my god...) (Why!?)
But it's harder to segue!
Is he skiing?
Or is he in a gay porn?
Is he skiing? (What?)
Or is he in a gay porn?
Is he skiing? (Huh?)
Or is he in a gay porn?
Here's a hint
He's in a gay porn!
Okay Bo, this miming shit is getting pretty annoying
So give them the real thing!
My voice is so fucking natural!
It's naturally good
Naturally good!
Naturally good!
This is the end of the song
And the beginning of the show!
Welcome to the show!
That lizard part was pretty fuckin' stupid
We're, uh-
Recording part of the CD tonight
And, uh- yeah, good to start off with eight minutes of mime jokes!
For the- CD
I want to start off with a joke for the, uh- fellas
I don't feel like I connect with my men in the audience
As well as I do with my, uh, prepubescent girls
So, um- where my fellas at!? Fellas!?
(Yeah!)
Yo, fellas, don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick
And he ends up being a faggot?
Am I right?!
These fucking faggots with their tasty dicks!
Alright, um
If you'd like to leave during the show
The exit signs are marked clearly in red, um
Sort of an orangish, reddish, fiery red
So, uh- we'll be fucked if we need them
But we can see 'em now!
Um- this show is called, uh, "what."
And I hope there's some surpri-
Jeez, knocked the water over by accident!
Um-
He meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
But you all thought it was an accident!
But, he meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Art is a lie!
Nothing is real!
So, it's called "what."
And uh, it's about- hey, Kool-ai-
He meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But you all thought it was an ac-
Just- take it off repeat, and it won't repeat
This is the good thing, we can edit all this
In the actual CD recor-
He meant to play the track again
(Yeah, yeah, yeah!)
But you all thought it was an accident!
But, he meant to play the water track a-
-Gain, 'gain, 'gain!
Art's still a lie!
Nothing's still real!
What's the deal with segues?
Uh, food jokes!
Let's do some food jokes
How're you guys doin' up the nosebleeds? Up top?
Yes, the nosebleeds
Where the cocaine is done
I had a, uh- I had a hot dog, um- for breakfast, in Madison actually, this morning
And, uh- yeah, afterwards I felt like this
(Woah! Wo-woah!)
'Cause I couldn't control my stools!
Alright, Jesus
For the people listening
I moved the stool around a lot
This is gonna get difficult!
But I'm glad you like poop-based puns
That'll be a major- majority of the show, so
(Never waste a moment!)
(Every moment can become a comedy moment!)
See? Uh- thank you so much, I, um
He's 22 years old
He's a male
And he looks like the genetic product of a giraffe having sex with Ellen DeGeneres
He has a gigantic head, and tiny nipples
He's isolated himself over the last five years, in pursuit of comedy
And, in doing so
Has lost touch with reality
You're an asshole, Bo
You hear me?
You think you know better than me
You think you know better than everybody
You will die alone
And you will deserve it
But in the meantime
You might as well tell those silly jokes of yours
See if that helps
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
Bo (Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo)
You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny
But now you're contractually obligated
So dance, you fucking monkey!
Dance, monkey, dance!
Welcome to the show
This is Bo
This is his show
And Bo likes to dance like this
Welcome to the show
This is Bo
This is his show
And Bo takes off his pants like this
Play an invisible drum
Play an invisible trumpet (trumpet sound!)
Drink some invisible water
Oh, shit! That water's real!
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable (random voice!)
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
So sit back, relax, and enjoy
A healthy dose of
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
(Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Prolonged eye contact (prolonged eye contact!)
Lick your lips to make it more comforting!
Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!)
Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!)
Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!)
Then pick a card, any card-
Sike!
Magic isn't real, you idiot (read a book!)
Magic isn't real, you idiot (read a book!)
Magic isn't real, you idiot (read a book!)
Magic isn't real
Or is it?
And at that moment
Bo's 20-year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder
He never knew there could be so much magic in the world
It's a world of possibilities, Bo
What do you want to do first?
Run?
Yeah, sure, you can run
Fly?
Well, yeah, you can fly
Wha-
What are you-
What the fuck are you do-
What the fuck are you doing?
Stop, st-, stop it
What the f-
You fucking idiot
Stop, stop, stop
Anyways
In the distance, Bo saw a beautiful fairy
A fairy so beautiful, that he felt proud about being called one in high school
He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard
Bo knew that he'd have to answer a riddle to get by
The troll spoke thus
"Alright, for the last time man"
"I'm not a troll, I'm homeless"
"Okay, do you have any spare change?"
"Okay, that's a used napkin"
"I don't want tha-"
"No, no, stop, just-, you know what?"
"Leave, just leave, please leave"
And then
As Bo arrived on the other side of the stage
He saw a unicorn, with five horns, right in front of him!
And the pentacorn spoke thus
"Hello, Bo!"
"I've been looking for you for quite a long t-"
"Oh!"
He was safe, for now
But the dark thoughts would soon return
It's Godzilla! (No!)
No! No! No! (My leg! My leg...)
No! (Oh my god...) (Fire!)
Oh my god!
Oh, my, god! (Aah!)
Run! Run! Run! (God, no!) (It's an eyebrow!)
Fire!
Aah!
It's so hard to be a lizard (did anyone see my son?!)
It's hard to be a lizard (I've lost my son!) (What did we do, God? What did we do!?) (He killed my wife...)
Tiny arms, itchy gizzard (that monster killed my wife!) (Oh my God, he's dead...) (Why is he singing!?)
It's hard to be a lizard (He's a monster! He killed my only headway!) (Oh my god...) (Why!?)
But it's harder to segue!
Is he skiing?
Or is he in a gay porn?
Is he skiing? (What?)
Or is he in a gay porn?
Is he skiing? (Huh?)
Or is he in a gay porn?
Here's a hint
He's in a gay porn!
Okay Bo, this miming shit is getting pretty annoying
So give them the real thing!
My voice is so fucking natural!
It's naturally good
Naturally good!
Naturally good!
This is the end of the song
And the beginning of the show!
Welcome to the show!
That lizard part was pretty fuckin' stupid
We're, uh-
Recording part of the CD tonight
And, uh- yeah, good to start off with eight minutes of mime jokes!
For the- CD
I want to start off with a joke for the, uh- fellas
I don't feel like I connect with my men in the audience
As well as I do with my, uh, prepubescent girls
So, um- where my fellas at!? Fellas!?
(Yeah!)
Yo, fellas, don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick
And he ends up being a faggot?
Am I right?!
These fucking faggots with their tasty dicks!
Alright, um
If you'd like to leave during the show
The exit signs are marked clearly in red, um
Sort of an orangish, reddish, fiery red
So, uh- we'll be fucked if we need them
But we can see 'em now!
Um- this show is called, uh, "what."
And I hope there's some surpri-
Jeez, knocked the water over by accident!
Um-
He meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
But you all thought it was an accident!
But, he meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Art is a lie!
Nothing is real!
So, it's called "what."
And uh, it's about- hey, Kool-ai-
He meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But you all thought it was an ac-
Just- take it off repeat, and it won't repeat
This is the good thing, we can edit all this
In the actual CD recor-
He meant to play the track again
(Yeah, yeah, yeah!)
But you all thought it was an accident!
But, he meant to play the water track a-
-Gain, 'gain, 'gain!
Art's still a lie!
Nothing's still real!
What's the deal with segues?
Uh, food jokes!
Let's do some food jokes
How're you guys doin' up the nosebleeds? Up top?
Yes, the nosebleeds
Where the cocaine is done
I had a, uh- I had a hot dog, um- for breakfast, in Madison actually, this morning
And, uh- yeah, afterwards I felt like this
(Woah! Wo-woah!)
'Cause I couldn't control my stools!
Alright, Jesus
For the people listening
I moved the stool around a lot
This is gonna get difficult!
But I'm glad you like poop-based puns
That'll be a major- majority of the show, so
(Never waste a moment!)
(Every moment can become a comedy moment!)
See? Uh- thank you so much, I, um
Credits
Writer(s): James Dewitt Yancey, Joseph Anthony Fiddler
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
Link
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