Saturday At the Met

Here's one thing you should know about me
My sense of direction is irrefutable
It's a trait that's so innate
That it's absolutely indisputable
I always know which way is North is no matter where I go
So I don't understand why I can't find my way through the fucking Metropolitan Museum!

I got an email
"Dear Deb, we should meet so I can get you back your book"
Okay, another email
"Dear Deb" (Dear Deb)
We should meet somewhere in public so you won't think I'm a crook!

At the Met museum in room twenty-one
There's a landscape by Monet
You can't miss it!
So I'll see you there at half past twelve this coming Saturday

Okay, first of all:
Who doesn't just say "let's meet at Starbucks?"
The Met museum is friggin' immense
And secondly, the Met's the only place in New York City
Where the traffic patterns don't make sense!

Sure, they've got a map
Oh, excuse me
A "plan" as they call it
But it isn't worth my spit
You'd be better off following breadcrumbs
Through this God-forsaken museum

Hey, come on, let's go
We've got a whole museum to visit
We should probably pick on the pace

Jason, we are at the Met
The thing that makes it special is
It takes a while to wander through the place

This says to skip this room (Shh!)
Turn left and zoom to the suits of armor
This says that X-rays show
An entire other portrait on the canvas below
Isn't that weird?
How it just... disappeared?

Excuse me, is that a Monet?
That's a Manet
Monet?
Manet!
Gah!

He wanted to come here
He loves it, I know
Look, he's running ahead like a kid in a toy store
And me, I'm here watching him go
He likes the masters
While I prefer wackier things
So of course we wind up
In separate wings

I should go find him
Not leave him alone
But I don't know, lately when he's right beside me
I'd rather be off on my own
I mean maybe I'm crazy
But really, I think he'll be fine
If he goes his own way
And I just go mine

Excuse me, I'm looking for gallery 21?
I think this is gallery K
K?
K
Ahh!

So much for Saturday at the Met
I thought I'd find her here in search of modern art, and yet
I'm unimpressed by Klint and Dali
It takes a sharper eye to paint things like they're s'posed to be

Give me a portrait where a face is a face
Don't give me theories about "negative space"
Why would I care about what isn't there?
Except for where what isn't there is Claire

I wish she'd look at this painting (Look at this painting)
Describe what she sees (How it you swallows you up like a storm)
Is she moved by that column? (Those orangey yellows)
Or maybe those trees? (Still keeping you warm)
Would she tell me she hates it? (How everything shimmers)
Or say something more? (Red and carries you away)
Would it change our perspective from the moment before?

Why did we come here?
I'll never know
It's like the colors in this painting might get lost if he came in to say "Hello"

Hello
Hello
Ready to go?
Oh
Ready, let's go

That stupid email
"Dear Deb"
I don't think I'm gonna ever find my book
I've been wandering around for an hour
Or well, twenty minutes
And I think this was a trick

I've been duped into spending my afternoon
In this awful, crowded, stupid, ugly horrible museum!
You must be Deb!